Your weekly DWOMBOS (Daily Word Combinations)

There’s a new trend sweeping the nation, moving faster than the Democratic senators fleeing from Wisconsin.

"Douchey Governor" = Douchenor

This phenomenon is known affectionately by its proponents as Wombinations. Or, for those not in the know, word combinations: the grammatical practice of saving syllables, commonly used since at least fifth grade, when most likely, like I did, you heard the word “fugly” for the first time. Or the word “brunch.” Anyway, why bother saying two words when you can wittily combine them into one?

I’m a huge fan of wombinations in general. You’re at a party, you whip one out, and you instantly become a hero. Someone used the word “snigloo” to refer to a snow igloo after that blizzard, and I’m pretty sure I Facebook friended them the next day.

Sure, combining two words into one for every single sentence you utter may seem a little excessive (lexcessive), but why use two words (twords) when one will suffice (wuffice?)

To provide some inspiration for you amateur wombinators out there, I graciously have provided you with examples from my week. Hopefully this gets those brains churning and keeps you sounding fly!

My Dwombos: (Daily word combo. Yes, that’s three words in one. GET ON MY LEVEL.)

16 ounces worth of poor decisions

Saturday, February 19: Fralcohol.
Also can be shortened to fralch, for people experienced in the art of wombinating. This is an extremely complex wombination. The term technically refers to free alchohol, but also can be construed as “frat alcohol.” This refers to the fact that girls can get free alcohol at most frats. Thanks for helping shitshows everywhere, brothers! You have my shining approval.

Sunday, February 20: Fill.
I’m aware that fill is already a word, but in this case, it stands for “fucking kill.” It’s best used when really frustrated with someone, and in conjunction with something like “with pudding” i.e; I will FILL YOU WITH PUDDING. (I will fucking kill you with pudding.)

Monday, February 21: Kake.
No, I didn’t misspell cake. This is for a “Keg mistake.” Somewhat self-explanatory. The Keg of Evanston is infamous for these sorts of shenanigans. Many mistakes have occurred on the dance floor, or on the poles surrounding the dance floor…

Tuesday, February 22: Graight. (pronounced great!)
When I can’t tell if someone is gay or straight, they are “graight!” Oftentimes, they are also great. It works on a variety of levels.

The only plausible excuse to justify your purchase of the entire Phish discography

Wednesday, February 23: Hightunes.
Albums you accidentally buy on iTunes while under an inebriated state of mind, or songs that are freaking incredible to listen to while in the same state. Examples include “What Would I Want? Sky!” by Animal Collective … does anyone listen to Animal Collective as sobunes (sober tunes???)

Thursday, February 24: Winner.
As a Willard resident, I eat dinner at Willard EXTREMELY OFTEN. Or every night. No, it never gets old. Made to order entrees with a buzzer?!?! How much more awesome can you get?! PLUS that chef who told me he is going to force me to eat 30 pounds of baked cinnamon apples because I order them so often?! Anyway, back to the point. When you eat a Willard dinner, you are eating a winner. Thus, you are a winner because you are what you eat. Unstoppable logic.

Friday, February 25: Chaze.
In honor of Chet Haze’s new mixtape, I give you a way to sound knowledgeable about this up-and-coming STAR, Chet Haze. Never refer to him with two words again! (A bonus: freshman freak hoe = froe. You’re welcome)

With this guide and glimpse into some common scenarios in which wombinations are appropriate, I hope you will continue to dwombo it up. Make me a happy camper, kids — hamper.

by Alison Decker