Your Latest Dwombos (Daily Word Combinations)

16 Feb

New lexical creations to describe current events and occurrences at Northwestern? Why, of course!

Hot Cookie Bar beats writing that thesis on the Roberts Court any day of the week.

If you’ve ever sat down to finish a problem set, and instead played Sporcle until Allison opened at 4:45, you’re procrastin-eating. If you’ve ever found yourself entirely focused on your bag of vending-machine Salsitas that you weren’t hungry for until you saw the vast white expanse of Microsoft Word that you must magically transform into The A+ Paper That Will Save Your Grade, you’re procrastin-eating. When you don’t know the answer, don’t want to figure it out, and it’s snacktime, you’re procrastin-eating. My name is Eleanor Kinkervoss and I am a procrastin-eater.

Everything awful in the world has happened to me at Plex, and this is the term I use to describe it. On my first day back at school my roommate and I found a purple fuzzy thing in my gyro. I once squashed a centipede crawling arrogantly across the floor and bit down on Unidentified Crunchy Objects in cooked vegetables, all in one Plexcapade-filled day. I still occasionally see fruit flies on the dessert/salad bars. My friend has located a hair in her stir-fry, I’ve discovered spinach still attached to the prongs of a fork fresh from the fork basket, and my roommate blames her food poisoning on meat she found there.*

Oh God, is he taking his shirt off!?

The collective release of tension experienced by Northwestern students when Morty saved the brothels. It’s like a combination of pure unadulterated admiration mixed with relief and joy that you can still make housing arrangements like a game of Sardines.

Too Many Words. This problem is the reason DWombos exist. Previously used by the wonderful Ms. Alison Decker to say “a little excessive,” lex-cessive can refer to authors and speakers or the sentences themselves. Examples include:
• Louisa May Alcott
• Charles Dickens. Damn, I wish I was paid by the word.**
Dr. Tattersail, who also wishes he was paid by the word.*** But if you haven’t checked out Heaven’s Gate yet, it’s brilliant and it makes me smile.
• People who send text messages like they’re paid by the word.
Rick Perry, because any words that come out of his mouth are too many words.
• The Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week
• Weird Al Yankovic’s “White And Nerdy.” Ever tried to memorize all the words?****

“Sherman Ave Love.” Instead of typing the following phrases, which are simply too lex-cessive: “The Professor’s dining hall creations are so delicious I just jazzed my pants,” “Tell it like it is, Sir Twattingworth,” or “Ross Packingham, can I hire you to do a striptease for my pledge baby?” it might be easier to just say, “I ShlAve that.”

There we go.

*And yet, I still keep eating there. Call it morbid curiosity.
**Or at all.
***I pulled an all-nighter to read one of your articles. ShlAve you still.
****Or listen to an entire Weird Al album? Because neither are humanly possible.

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