The Official DNC 2012 Drinking Game

OH, WE’RE HALFWAY THERE. OOOH-OOOOH, LIVIN ON A MEDISCARE. Get it? Like Medicare, but scary cause Paul Ryan wants to kill all old people! Hahahaha!

But seriously, congratulations on making it halfway through the conventions. That’s quite a feat, but we still have the Democratic Convention to get through. And, thanks to Obamacare, you are now required to drink any time you watch anything. Look it up, it’s in there.

Will the posters say “Probably above average” this time?

As the good civic servants that we are, we have compiled Sherman Ave’s Official DNC 2012 Drinking Game to aid you in following the law and getting belligskiez:

1.  Any time Obama says “let me be clear,” take a sip.
2. If the number “42” is mentioned in reference to Bill Clinton, drink half your drink. If it’s used in reference to the number of consecutive months with private sector job growth, take a sip.
3. If Joe Biden forgets which century it is/ what state it is/ what his name is/ who that black guy with the big ears is, finish your drink.
4. Any time someone implies a GOP War On Women, take a sip. If a speaker says the phrase “War on Women,” finish your drink. If a speaker shouts, “They wanna shove shit up your vajayjays!!!!” shotgun your drink. If that speaker is DNC chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, only take a sip cause that’s like every fifth sentence outta that woman’s mouth.
5. If Bill Clinton keeps “accidentally” saying that he’s proud to be our next president, take a sip.
6. Any time you get five in a row on the Sherman Ave DNC Buzzword Bingo Board below, drink half of your drink. Make sure to make use of the Free Birth Control Free Spot specially earmarked for your belligerence.
   

   The Sherman Ave DNC Buzzword Bingo Board

7. Every time you’re thankful that the Democrats’ Hollywood star was Eva Longoria and not Clint Eastwood, take a drink.
8. If Jon Huntsman speaks, shotgun that shit. But not when Charlie Christ speaks, because Charlie Christ would speak at the Poopy Pants Party Convention if they promised he’d be on TV.
9. Drink the following for each performer: James Taylor= sip, Mary J. Blige= sip, Foo Fighters= half of the drink, Bruce Springsteen= shotgun, Carly Rae= ALL THE SHOTZ.
10. If they drop a million copies of Obama’s birth certificate instead of balloons, finish your drink. If it’s his long-form birth certificate, shotgun. If it’s Romney’s tax returns and haha they had them all along lol!!!, jager bombs for all.
11. If they use fake Greek pillars again, go find wine and drink it because of cultured.
12. If any Democrat acknowledges some responsibility for the crippling nation debt and offers sensible solutions that include modest tax increases on the rich, cuts to defense funding and some painful domestic cuts, raise your glass in a salute to good governance and chug.
13. If Elizabeth Warren comes out in a traditional Cherokee headdress, finish your drink and get ready for moar race controversy.
    

    What if he just gives this speech again? Like, verbatim? He’d win, right?

14. For every fifth time a Democrat says “Bush-era,” drink using the The Sherman Ave Bushometer™: Check every time “Bush-era” is said:
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