Tainthead Student Corrects Professor on Origins of Babies

13 Nov

Students were left stunned by the photo of Hall’s birth

EVANSTON — Freshman student, Greg Hall of Chevy Chase, Maryland, brought a lecture on pre-natal development to an uncomfortable halt when he corrected renowned pediatrician and lecturer Dr. Hammond Kietz that children do not develop inside a uterus as he was suggesting.  Rather, Hall expounded with unshakable certainty that human infants developed inside dark enclosed spaces, such as wicker baskets, flowerpots, and from inside the folds of colorful backdrops.

“One could assume newborns might even appear in a dark room if nobody is looking,” gushed the simpleton Hall, “I mean, it’s called ‘the magic of child birth’ for a reason. You never know when it will strike.”

Another student, Kyra Gould, who recognized Hall from her dorm meetings, considered stopping him. But she was left dumfounded when Hall withdrew photos of him being “birthed” from inside a large plastic egg.

Dr. Kietz wrote on his resignation that the doughy youth’s “overwhelming ignorance, glassy eyes, and fishlike mouth” would forever haunt him. As of press time, it was unclear how Mr. Hall would react to his next class, a lecture by Dr. Prescott Murphy on vaginal flatulence.

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