Children’s Books for Future Northwestern Students

1 Dec
Now a major motion picture, starring Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen!

Now a major motion picture, starring Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen!

Looking for a great gift for your newborn baby cousin? Initiate him into NU culture nice and early with some classic children’s books, made just for the appreciation of Wildcats-to-be. All books are also available in audio-book form, narrated by Gary Saul Morson and Chet Haze, and can be found wherever books are sold on campus at an egregiously high mark-up.

Can you tell me how to get to L103?

A small and loveable freshman engineer decides to “walk through” her class locations like she did in high school, without consulting a map before venturing into the depths of Tech. By the time she asks for directions, she’s in Crowe pleading with philosophy professors who don’t know where they are either.

Goodnight Moonshine

Several pages of mumbled nonsense before the narrator passes out. Uncannily close to the original text.


A freshman math major is separated from her PA group and finds herself living in Jones, where the theater majors assimilate her into a culture of funny clothes and spontaneous stairwell song-and-dance. Eventually she discovers that she belongs in Slivka, and she and her Jonesian floormates realize that although they are different they can still be friends, just as long as nobody harmonizes “Defying Gravity” at her ever ever again.

The Shat in the Frat

Enough said? Enough said.

Packington Bear

Our very own Ross narrates a novel about a stuffed animal’s hilarious antics with small British children and odd hats probably stolen from Photobooth.

Are You my Pledge Mommy?

A newly Greekened freshwoman Facebook stalks every fratstar that comes to serenade her in hopes of discovering her pledge mother’s identity via “mutual friends.” Based on a true story.

The Frostbite Express

A boy is taken on a magical journey/hypothermic hallucination on his way from CVS to his home in Sargent. On his way, he encounters Morty Schapiro, who gives him a magical souvenir key ring whose jingle can only be heard by Wildcats who truly believe in our ability to win sports games. Only the girl’s lacrosse team can hear it.

Tacky the Professor

A lovable but bumbling Hawaiian shirt enthusiast who just doesn’t quite fit in with the faculty here saves the day for all his students by being the only one to hold nocturnal office hours.


A freshman fratstar experiments with a blow-up doll for the first time.

And to Think That I Saw It on Sherman Avenue

Shit gets weird, and someone writes about it.

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