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God Laughs as Notre Dame Loses

8 Jan
His Greatness, doing his best Brian Kelly impression.

His Greatness, doing his best Brian Kelly impression.

MIAMI — According to witnesses at the Pearly Gate, His Almighty was reportedly overheard giggling fervently as the final seconds ticked down on Notre Dame’s crushing 42-14 NCAA BCS Championship defeat.

God, in all his righteous omniscience and everlasting mercy, had a really good chuckle as Nick Saban’s Alabama Crimson Tide rolled easily to their third national championship in four seasons. The loss, which signifies that maybe there truly is a Higher Power watching over us all to benevolently protect His helpless flock from the pompous self-aggrandizement and arrogant delusion that characterize Notre Dame football fans, has sent shockwaves across the theological community.

“Oh God, what a joke,” Pope Benedict XVI exclaimed via his twitter account as yet another Notre Dame drive stalled. “For all ye who do not believe in the majestic Oneness of thine Creator, looketh no further than His Divine Will and the Crimson Tide rushing attack’s ability to deliver a humiliating blow to pricks in gold and blue across the land.”

Added Benedict, “That said, I still have my reservations that Nick Saban might be the antichrist.”

The hearty guffaws of the Father Almighty, Maker of all things visible and invisible, resonated throughout the Kingdom of God as AJ McCarron completed yet another touchdown pass to Amari Cooper to put the Crimson Tide up 35-0 halfway through the third quarter. The demonstration of his Holiness’s good will toward man to prevent the Fighting Irish from unleashing their insufferable superiority complex on their fellow brethren left an indelible impression on former non-believers throughout the world.

“I used to think that God was Dead,” freshman philosophy major Leif Palmer admitted. “But how can I deny His existence when He dealt such a crushing blow to myopic Domers everywhere? As if it wasn’t bad enough that they still have to suffer with parietals and living in the state of Indiana.”

Although God could not be reached for comment as of press time, it is rumored that He was chewing out his son for taking the points on Monday’s game.

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One Response to “God Laughs as Notre Dame Loses”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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