EXCLUSIVE: Manti Te’o Told Friends In Sixth Grade He Had A Girlfriend From “Camp”

16 Jan
Te'o, seen here pondering where it all went wrong with Cindy.

Te’o, seen here pondering where it all went wrong with Cindy.

SOUTH BEND — A lengthy Sherman Ave investigation has uncovered that Notre Dame star linebacker Manti Te’o lied to sixth grade classmates about having a girlfriend from a summer stay-away camp.

Te’o reportedly told friends that he and his “girlfriend” went all the way to second base, but that she lived really far away and wouldn’t be coming to visit. They were totally a thing, though, he assured his pals.

When sixth-grade bully AJ McCarron said he “didn’t think any girl would ever date a pussy like [Te’o],” the future Heisman Trophy finalist became visibly agitated and screamed that she was real, according to those familiar with the situation.

The next day, Te’o reportedly brought photographic evidence of his girlfriend: a picture of Cindy Crawford on an otherwise blank piece of printer paper. While that convinced his friends at the time, several former schoolmates say they now think it is unlikely that the 11-year-old Te’o was in a long-distance relationship with the international supermodel.

Te’o did not respond to one really half-assed attempt for comment, but deleted several tweets at Cindy Crawford, including “.@CindyCrawford r we still dating” and “.@CindyCrawford want 2 grab coffee and then maybe u grab something else?”

Notre Dame has announced that in the wake of this scandal, the school will continue to be absolutely insufferable and never come within 50 points in a BCS game.

One Response to “EXCLUSIVE: Manti Te’o Told Friends In Sixth Grade He Had A Girlfriend From “Camp””

  1. Antonia Ladabouche April 9, 2013 at 10:41 pm #

    Outstanding article once again! Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: