My Five Favorite Bill Carmody Moments of the Past Three Seasons

Carmody, upon realizing Edzo’s is closed on Mondays.

On a scale of 1 to fired, Bill Carmody is like a fucking 12. I just needed to get that off my chest. I mean, GODDAMN was he fucked. You know that part in the first Harry Potter book when our three heroes walk in on that crazy, three-headed dog by accident? And they look up and they’re all like, “Oh, shiiit.” That’s Carmody. Except he isn’t magic and the door just locked behind him.

As an avid Carmody supporter, I really don’t want to use this space to talk about whether he SHOULD HAVE been fired. Because like lets be real boy was going to get fired. Did you watch any part of last season? No? I mean, exactly my point.

Instead, I think we should go back and relive the good times. Like when we were so close to making the Tournament. Or that other time we were so close to making the Tournament. Or that time we almost beat Ohio State and Michigan in the same season. Or those other three times we almost beat Ohio State and Michigan in the same season. Or that time we all had our hearts ripped out of our goddamn chests because goddamnit Jared Sullinger, WHY COULDN’T WE HAVE JUST HAD THIS GAME IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO US AND NOTHING TO YOU!! NOTHING!!!

So, in no particular order, a list of my five favorite Bill Carmody moments of the past three seasons.

1) His Christmas Tie
For those of you who may not be aware, Bill Carmody is not a fan of wearing ties. Many NU faithful may have gone their entire four years and not seen the man don neckwear of any kind. But this is because nobody with any friends is around Northwestern at Christmas time. Because Bill Carmody has a (festive, holiday) tie, and it’s pretty fucking awesome.

This thing’s got some snowmen on it dancing in a nice blizzard with some red and green thrown in there to celebrate the season, and nobody knows a goddamn thing about this tie except that it spends 364 days a year shut away from the light of day. Which seems a shame because, shit, I’d wear it to a job interview.

2) Finding John Shurna
I mean, think about this for a second. Somewhere, at some point in the past, Bill Carmody saw John Shurna for the first time and said to himself, “Now THAT kid can fucking play basketball.” Take a moment and think about that.

3) That One Time I Was Leaving Welsh-Ryan And He Held The Door Open For Me For An Awkwardly Long Period Of Time
It was a classy move, but so, so awkward for both of us.

4) Everything About The Princeton Offense
Leave it to Northwestern to run a scheme named after a school that may or may not field varsity sports. Also leave it to Northwestern to run the same scheme that Kobe Bryant apparently prefers. Which makes sense, cause it’s all about PASSING. Get it? That was a ‘Kobe never passes’ joke. Didn’t think I could work that into a piece about Bill Carmody, now did you?

Regardless, the Princeton was the reason for every incredible success and every terrible heart-breaking loss of the last 13 years, and goddamnit if we aren’t all better off just not hearing that name ever, ever again.

5) Allowing Last Season To Come To A Merciful, Merciful End