Sherman Ave Writer Has Serious Mental Breakdown

30 Mar
Early drafts of Giblets’ article showed he was planning to use this image, but in reference to what remains unclear.

Early drafts of Giblets’ article showed he was planning to use this image, but in reference to what remains unclear.

ANN ARBOR — A writer for the incredibly popular and culturally significant humor website is currently in recovery from a nervous breakdown, after he realized there was no way he would be able to fulfill the deadline for his monthly article.

Rudolph E. Spigelberg, better known by his “sheudonym” Prince Giblets, is currently in “stable condition physically, but not mentally,” as described by his family.

“The idea that he would have to do work over his spring break was really what pushed him over the edge,” Mrs. Hilda Spigelberg, Giblets’ mother, said. “He planned to do nothing but play something called Temple Run 2 and eat Golden Double-Stuff Oreos.”

“I don’t know how he will ever be the same after this,” lamented Giblets’ mother.

Giblets is but one in a long list of Sherman Ave contributors who have suffered from severe mental episodes.  The website has been accused of overworking its staff in, as one Sherman Ave writer described, “heinous” conditions.

“You know old American textile factories in the late 19th/early 20th century?” one writer explained, “it’s kind of like that, but minus the child labor, and with way more Smirnoff Ice.”   The writer chose to speak anonymously, not wanting to reveal her identity for fear of being, in her words, “Geoffreyed.”

The site itself has declined comment.

Giblets’ family, meanwhile, is remaining optimistic, and hoping that the writer’s work can one day be published, despite his crippling breakdown.

“Even through this panic, he still really wants to finish the article,” his mother added, “he just doesn’t know how to end it.  Literally, he has no conceivable ending.  And without some sort of button, chances are the article is just going to be weak and underwhelming and suck. It’ll end, and that’ll be it.  It would crush his already shattered soul if that’s how the piece was to conclude.”

One Response to “Sherman Ave Writer Has Serious Mental Breakdown”

  1. ParrtyCat March 31, 2013 at 11:16 pm #

    I find this really fucking offensive. Don’t mock mental breakdowns. How is this supposed to be funny

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