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Keg Week 2013: The Story of TKOE As Told By Gifs of Kittens

5 Apr

Once upon a time, there was a cat named Tom Migon.  He was an amazing and incredibly intelligent cat.

What a smart cat!

Tom Migon, instead of choosing a life of fame or fortune, chose to dedicate himself to a life of service.  He opened a charitable organization called The Keg of Evanston.  The Keg of Evanston was meant for cats who wanted to meet each other and have fun.  

Mexican Mondays, the predecessor to Keg Mondays.

To enhance the experience that his customers would have, Migon added some fun things to his bar, like pool tables…

8-ball? More like, no-ball! Get it? Because he was neutered?

…and big cups…

Don’t lick your feet! Especially if you’ve been in the bathroom!

…and popcorn…

We know, cat friend. Free popcorn mesmerizes all of us.

…and, of course, The Keg’s trademark. 

Wait till you see him on the CAT-walk! #BaDumChh

Unfortunately, Migon’s brilliant business model had some unwanted side effects, like this…

From top to bottom: Townie, NU undergrad

…and this.

Someone is getting lonely in their Plex single!

Even worse, The Keg of Evanston became so popular that it began attracting some of the wee little kittens!

DRUNK. ASS. BITCHES.

This news inevitably made it to the pesky ears of Elizabeth Tisdahl, the Mayor of Evanston.  She was not thrilled with the news.

Tisdahl, licking her lips to devour the hopes and dreams of a generation.

Mayor Tisdahl and Tom Migon squared off in an epic battle to determine the fate of Migon’s glorious college bar.

Let’s all imagine that the attacking cat is making the sound Bilbo makes when he wants to take the ring from Frodo, yeah?

In all his eternal wisdom and righteousness, Migon eventually sacrificed himself, so that the fight against the evil Mayor Tisdahl and the Evanston Liquor Control Review Board would have a martyr and find rejuvenation.

Tom Migon: The Saint Stephen of dive bar owners.

The Keg of Evanston was closed, but the fight is not over.  Despite Tisdahl’s best efforts, Northwestern students to this day look to Migon as a beacon of hope, and will continue to protest Tisdahl’s tyranny until their dying day.  Mostly by getting brutally shitfaced on weekends and weeknights alike.

[Cue closing credits music]

Is this Ben Folds?

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One Response to “Keg Week 2013: The Story of TKOE As Told By Gifs of Kittens”

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