Meet the ASG Candidates: Benison Choi

17 Apr

Earlier this week, Sherman Ave reached out to the four ASG presidential tickets asking to interview them. All four tickets were gracious enough to accept; this is part one of four. Look for the other three to come later in the day.

From left to right: Benison, not Benison

From left to right: Benison, not Benison

What’s your favorite band?

Well I’m super into hip-hop.  I don’t have a band band, I wish I could tell you. I am into, I mean, Tribe Called Quest, Notorious B-I-G.  These are just like…rappers.  I’m not so into bands.  I had a band in high school, if that means anything.  I played the guitar and was the lead for that.  We went for the whole jazzy feel.  I did some freestyle rapping.

What was your band called?

We had no name.  We were just the kids who showed up and fucking killed it.

Wow, that’s an interesting business model for a band.

I mean, yeah.  Why have a name when we speak for ourselves?

Or sing for yourself.  Freestyle for yourself.  


And what’s your favorite movie?

Here’s the thing: I’m a HUGE Back to the Future fan.  I watched it when I was a kid, still watch it, have the posters in my room.

Nice.  So which character would you be in Star Wars?

I would probably be R2-D2.  Wait is that in Star Wars?


Why, you’re probably wondering.  I’m simple, I’m there, I’m there to help, I make a couple of noises for everyone’s enjoyment and it’s just kinda my thing.  I might be in the background but when something needs to get done, I get it done.

Could you give me your best R2-D2 impression?

[whistles and moves arms like a robot]

Nice.  R2-D2 doesn’t have arms, but the readers won’t know that you did that.


I mean I’ll put it in the script, but they won’t be able to see it. Anyway so I heard from a friend this morning in the Daily that there was an updog leak in the basement of Swift.

A wh–a what?

An updog leak.  What do you know about this and how would you prevent future dangerous chemicals like updog from threatening the safety of the student body?

Yeah, I mean that’s pretty much just Northwestern doing a horrible job of maintenance and making sure that everything’s in check all the time.  I think a lot of administrators think the way it’s going right now is perfectly fine with informal things like gas leaks and whatever.  So it’s pretty much reassessing it all the time and making sure that there are safe protocols and safe precautions.

Have you ever experienced an updog leak before?

No.  I don’t really know what updog really is.

All you have to do is ask.

Oh.  Okay.  I get it.  I mean, WHAT’S UP DOG…leak?  I don’t get it.  What’s updog leak?

So talking about Sherman Ave here, what can Sherman Ave do to improve town-gown relations, besides ending our weekly sessions in which we shit on Mayor Tisdahl’s house?

I think you guys do a great job of being real and capturing the student’s interests.  If you are upset with something you say it.  What could you do better?  I don’t know what your reader viewing is, how many people read you.  I mean, I do on a daily basis, but making it so that everyone reads Sherman Ave.

That’s the dream.  Isn’t town-gown a stupid phrase?

Yes, town-gown is a ridiculous phrase.

Can you think of a better one in 20 seconds?

Brown town?  I’m just rhyming these words.

What about like, city-‘sity?  Like c-i-t-y and s-i-t-y, like an abbreviation for university?

If you pull it off, then why not?

Sky’s the limit right?  Awesome.  Okay so I’m going to give you a hypothetical.  Let’s say Jennifer Lawrence walks in right now.  Where do you lick her and how many?

Oooh.  So I’m a huge fan of clavicles.  I would just not stop.  I would just gnaw on her there and have her gnaw on my clavicle.  That turns me the fuck on.  And just be, like, licking each other’s clavicles, and get places.

It all starts in the clavicle right?  I think I learned that during Sex Week.  So how much money do you want to put toward CAPS next year?

As much as Northwestern can do.  Mental health is a huge issue and everyone’s talking about it.  It’s been an issue since we’ve been able to think.  And it’s interesting that we haven’t been able to tackle it before, and we need huge events to happen for us to realize it’s a problem.

Sorry, I think you misinterpreted the question.  I was talking about caps.  Like bottle caps.

[laughing] How much money should we give to bottle caps?  Not much money at all.  Bottle caps are kind of useless if you think about it because when I’m drinking I’m just drinking.

So when you say “Involving Me,” you aren’t talking about bottle caps.

I guess I overlooked the fact that bottlecaps are my constituents and they are students at Northwestern.  I am all for them.  I will make it so that they feel snug on every single bottle that they meet.

Alright.  What should replace The Keg?

What should replace The Keg?  I mean, Norris, man.


We should just get fucked up in Norris.  We should just be constantly drinking here.  I mean, everyone…all their bottles should have alcohol in them.  Everyone should be drunk all the time and love each other.

That was kind of a trick question because nothing can replace The Keg.

Your questions are tough.  These are harder than you said they were.

So describe your platform in four words, two of which begin with “f” but one of which is not “firetruck.”

Whoa.  Okay.  Fun!  And…what words start with “F”?  Fun…fucking awesome?  Wait can I do that?


And two other words that it doesn’t matter what they start with?


Okay.  Fun, fucking awesome…you….us.

Okay.  You could have used firetruck.  Only one of them didn’t have to be firetruck.


You fucked that up.


Could you describe your first power trip?

That probably happened in 3rd grade when I had a Charizard card that all my friends didn’t have.  Or…do you mean when I’m tripping on actual power, like superpowers, or power cords?

I don’t even know if that’s a real answer, because power trip implies that it’s undue, and if you have a Charizard, you have every right to be on a power trip.  But I think that’s a good answer.

I’m on the same page, because I was very confused as well.

What’s your favorite Northwestern memory?

I mean, every day is a Northwestern memory that I just love.  Waking up in my bed and knowing that I’m at Northwestern.

Have you seen Beasts of the Southern Wild?


How are we supposed to trust anyone who hasn’t seen Beasts of the Southern Wild?

I will watch it the first day.

Alright.  I haven’t seen it so whatever.  What do you plan to name your 8th child?

Oh, wow.  I was only planning to have seven.  But if I am to have eight, I’m assuming by that time, I’m just going to not have enough creative names, and I’m just going to call him Benison Jr.  And if it’s a girl, Benison Jr. as well.  I’m just going to be out of ideas.  Who knows?  Eight children is a lot.

So you’re going to try the George Foreman thing?

Sure.  Sure.

What are you involved in on campus and how do you intend to spin that involvement to bullshit your way into a summer internship?

Yeah, so:  P-Wild.  I’m a P-Wild counselor.  I always say I love Mother Nature.  That’s my number one.  I say that I can lead a group and that I can talk to kids safe.  Camp Kesem is a week-long summer thing so it’s taking care of kids, having events, planning for those events.  I don’t know, I’m really bad at bullshitting.  No, I’m actually fair good at bullshitting, I just like to say I’m bad at it.

Yeah, I mean you just bullshitted me, except you were bad at it.  So what is your favorite Chet Haze song and what does it suggest about you?

I’m going to be honest, dude, I don’t really like Chet Haze’s music.  I think he could be a lot better.  I think he’s overhyped.  I almost think he’s underhyped, I don’t think people talk much about him anymore.  I want to freestyle battle Chet Haze.  I think I would end up on top.

We’ll be in touch.  Could you tell me how you plan to twerk with NU administrators to bring about your proposals?

Yeah!  So I think it’s just by clearly stating what our ambition and purpose is, being real and being human, letting them know that we know that they are there and respect their work and that it’s a mutual thing.  And always conversating, being there first thing, texting them every morning, telling them “good morning,” doing everything we can to let them know they’re part of the family.

What would you be willing to give Sherman Ave in return for our endorsement?  Keep in mind that the last candidate we endorsed literally lost to a 60-year-old woman who makes a living selling kibble.

[laughing] Anything, man.  Whatever favors you need.  Whether that be repping you guys, whether that be walking around naked with Sherman Ave painted on my back; that’s how much I respect Sherman Ave.

Damn.  I’m impressed.  Alright, so Fuck Marry Kill with the other three presidential candidates.

Wow, that’s really tough.  As in presidential candidates?  So I can’t…so…Josephine Lee is off the question?


Damn it!  Alright, then.  Alright, I just don’t see myself fucking any of them or marrying of them.

But you could see yourself killing any of them?

I’m not killing, but threatening them maybe?  Just whispering in their ear while they’re sleeping?  Yeah, I need to answer the question.  I would fuck the shit out of Aaron Zelikovich, just because he’s big, I just…why not, right?  I would marry Ani.  And…I mean, I wouldn’t kill David Harris.  But I guess that’s my only option.  So I guess I’d kill David Harris.  But I’d do that last.  I’d let him see everything.

You’d invite him to your wedding with Ani?


Alright.  So describe a Sherman Ave headline about your presidential tenure eight months after your election.  Kind of like a retrospective approach to it.

“Holy shit, he did it.”

Okay, so a fill-in-the-blank question.  Rack City Bitch, Rack Rack City Bitch, Ten ten ten twenties on ya ____

Titties, bitch!

That’s the correct answer.  How many licks does it take to get to the center of a fucksaw?

Just one, dude.

Okay, a personal question.  Last time I exposed myself to grad students on the Intercampus, I was asked to leave the bus.  How can you change these policies to be more inclusive of people like me?

If you want to show your penis, please, show your penis.  Like, that’s totally okay.  If I could, I would walk around with my penis hanging out.  I would walk around naked.  That’s how we were born, that’s how we were made.  Let’s just keep it real, keep it natural.

Alright.  I have a quick word problem.  So John walks from the Foster El stop to Norris at 5 miles per hour.  Jane walks from Deering Library to Hillel at 3 miles per hour.  So if their paths cross outside Kellogg, how much do they have to pay for one goddamn potsticker?

Depends on who’s selling them.

Okay, I guess that makes sense. 

Hopefully the guy will buy it for the girl.  Or maybe the girl will do it for the guy.

I hadn’t thought about this in a chivalrous context.  Alright, knock knock.

Who’s there?


Ani who?

Don’t be a dick.  You clearly know who he is.  

You’re right.  Sorry about that.

Would you rather find a dollar on the ground or have your favorite WNBA win the national championship?

Favorite WNBA team.  Yes!  Obviously!  Dollar on the ground?  I will put five dollars on the ground for other people to find if that means my WNBA team will win?

Who’s your favorite team?

That I do not know.  I’m not going to bullshit you on that one.

Okay, so you did P-Wild.  We touched on this a little earlier. Traditionally the ASG president wears clothes.  Are you willing to compromise on that or is that something you’re looking to change?

If you look at me right now, I’m like a lot more casual than the other kids, they wore suits and button-ups.  I had a really hard time wearing long pants.  This last quarter was like, what the fuck, I want to wear shorts, or not shorts at all.  But I guess, I mean, I’m willing to compromise.  I’m naked all the other times, I guess I can afford to not be naked at all times.

So your slogan is “Involving You.”  But honestly, I already have like four midterms, three clubs, six leadership positions, and internship interviews all next week.  So, like, do I have to?

No, you don’t.  What we’re going to do is make it easier for you and we’re going to go to you.  I think, like a second part of our slogan is “Involving You by involving ourselves.”  We want to be at your meetings, giving you granola bars while you’re studying, rubbing your back saying “it’s going to be okay” and getting you through Northwestern.

What separates you from the bakery?

Okay, everyone’s like “Oh, Bennison’s Bakery!” and I’m like no.  Bennison’s has two n’s and I have one.

Actually Bennison’s has three and yours has two.

Right.  It all depends on how you look at it.  But yeah, I think we’re very similar in the fact that we love to bake.  Take that as you will.  I don’t know, it’s just like warm goodness in your body, what more can you ask for?

Okay, so last question.  You’re from L.A.  Are you a Lakers fan?


So could you describe your experiences worshipping Satan?

I mean, it’s had its ups and downs.  Like, should I talk about Satan or Lakers, or are they like the same?

Yeah, splitting hairs at that point.

Satan’s just letting me down here and there, and it’s just not acceptable.  Not that I worship him, or he worships me.  Maybe he does worship me.  He’s just got to step up his game.  Kobe got hurt a couple days ago, and it’s just like…dude, that was a hard question.

No, I get it.  I personally feel like Satan has been kind of MIA since he started hooking up with Patricia Telles-Irvin.  

Yeah.  I mean, as long as Satan is putting his throat in someone else’s mouth, I’m okay with that.

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