Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: The 13 Types of People You’ll Meet in College

24 Apr
Not listed: That Guy.

Not listed: That Guy.

  1. The Walking College Stereotype

Every sitcom and movie involving college students likes to portray them as rigidly focused students looking for their way in life during the day, and uncontrollable party animals at night. On Wednesday days at 3 A.M., they’re at the library struggling to stay awake – and on Saturday nights they’re at the bar struggling to stay standing. They’ll pull at least two all-nighters every week, eat ramen or fast food for every lunch and dinner, and get blackout drunk every weekend. Some people are like this for the first couple weeks of their freshman year – and others are this person for the entirety of their college lives; however, one thing is certain: you will come across someone like this at some point in college.

  1. Mr. or Mrs. Pre-Professional

This person is always working towards some goal that they had in their childhood.  They’re in the pre-med class, the pre-med fraternity, the pre-med club, and even the pre-med field hockey team. It’s impossible to talk to this person without eventually hearing “When I’m a doctor,” or “When I’m at Harvard Law.” The entirety of their life revolves around their future, and they won’t let you forget it.

  1. The Greek Superstar

The guys and girls that fall into this category live and die for their organizations. You won’t see them anywhere without their letters on. However, you’ll also rarely see them if you’re not also Greek. They hang out exclusively with their fraternity/sorority and the other fraternities and sororities that their fraternity/sorority likes to hang out with. Their passions include team building exercises, partying, and bro tanks.

  1. The Person With Their Entire Life Together

This person has found a balance between their social life, school life, and work life – and you hate them for it. They’ve somehow found the time to land that perfect internship that will get them that perfect job, while still finding time to interact with their group of friends that you swear were just pulled from your favorite sitcom. They should have zero free time, but seem to have all of the free time in the world. Meanwhile, you’re still waiting to hear back from that unpaid internship on the South Side in which you’d be shoveling manure as an “administrative assistant.”

  1. The Epiphany Machine

    This person is constantly amazed and shocked by different things in the world – and finds a new thing to be amazed/shocked by every single day. One day, they’re vegan because they realized how terribly livestock are treated, and the next day they’re the face of the “Eat More Meat” campaign because they discovered all of the negative health effects of vegan diets.  It’s difficult to gauge if this person reads a lot and has developed very complex perspectives on global events – or if they’re just really confused.

6. Mr. Positive

This guy walks down the street beaming happiness. You’ve never seen him frown and he is always singing something. However, he also can’t seem to fathom why anyone would ever be unhappy when there are “just so many amazing things to experience in the world – ya know?” He’ll do anything to put a smile on your face and won’t stop until everyone is singing his song along with him.

7. Debbie Downer

The opposite of Mr. Positive, Debbie Downer can’t seem to find anything good in college. Receives an A on a test she didn’t study for? “I’m sure everyone got an A.” Free cookies in class? “We’re all going to get diabetes.” The weather is great, classes are cancelled, and everyone is happy? “Someone is dying somewhere right now.” Despite having a seemingly good life, the person refuses to let happiness plague them. One day, Debbie Downer will meet Mr. Positive and punch him in the balls.

8. The Exec Board King/Queen

When you look at this person’s résumé, the only position you see listed is “professional leader.” This person seems to have a hand in everything. From student government, to philanthropy organizations, to Greek life  – this student impacts every part of student life. And worse, they enjoy it. They feel like they’re impacting the university (and they are) and find satisfaction in everything they do – all while you can’t even manage to tolerate a couple weeks as the assistant to the assistant to the undersecretary for the “Lack of Interests” Club.

9. The Campus Celebrity

Though few and far between, you will likely encounter at least one campus celebrity while in college. Whether they’re known for their talent, their money, or their personalities – they’re known by pretty much everyone around the university (some for better reasons than others). Their most boring statuses get 100 likes, their photos end up on university websites, and their names inspire some sort of opinion from everyone you know. Depending on the reason for their celebrity, your encounter might be good, bad, or even hilarious; regardless, you’ll definitely remember it, and just be another person to expand their notoriety.

10. The Theatre Major

Remember that really excitable, quirky kid you met during orientation week and never saw again? That kid was probably a theater theatre major – and even though they seem to live in a different world sometimes, you’ll definitely meet a few of these people while in college. They’re outgoing, loud, and speak in a language largely composed of theatre terms and excretory exclamatory statements (e.g. I checked the callback board and saw I got the part and I was like “No way!!!”). You likely will not encounter these people for long periods of time, but if you happen to go to a student production or one of their fundraising parties – you’ll really see them in full force with their corollary, the A Capella Kid.

11. The Lazy Success Story

This person doesn’t do the readings for class and eats junk food every day, and yet manages to have a 3.7 GPA and stay in great shape.  You tried to be this person once, but gained five pounds and failed two of your midterms. The Lazy Success Story is an anomaly and the bane of every other student’s existence.

12. The Prospective Student Who’s In Way Over Their Head

Whether they’re looking to triple major with a double minor or simply had a little too much jungle juice, there will be prospective students you meet at college who are not prepared to come to college. It’s likely that you or one of your friends was this person at some point, but that doesn’t make it any less funny (and a little sad) when you meet them while in college. These kids have a lot to learn and will likely end up falling into one of the earlier categories – but for now they’re just in way over their heads.

13. The Best Friend

In the midst of the thousands of students at your university and all of these different types of people you’ll meet, you’ll find one person (or more) who just gets you. This person understands your different moods, the different types of people you’re attracted to, and how you act when you’re drunk on any given type of alcohol (though you may wish they didn’t know this). Less of a friend and more of an extension of yourself, this person is there for you when you need help, when you need someone to talk to, or you just need someone to keep you from drunk texting. This person (or people) will likely help to define much of your college experience and will share some of your best and worst times with you. Remember to thank them for that.

One Response to “Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: The 13 Types of People You’ll Meet in College”

  1. Larry Heart April 10, 2014 at 4:40 am #

    Even more funny types of students here:

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