Dumbledore Excited for Another Gay Wizard

29 Apr
Jason Collins, showing off his Fidelius Charm.

Jason Collins, showing off his Fidelius Charm.

LIMBO–Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, former headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, expressed his excitement this afternoon that another wizard, Washington Wizards center Jason Collins, had come out as gay.

In a press conference at the mystical limbo-like Kings Cross, the founder of the Order of the Phoenix congratulated the NBA journeyman Collins for becoming the first openly gay athlete in one of the four North American major sports leagues, writing, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but even more to be gay in the NBA. Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open. Except Dennis Rodman.”

“You’re a gay wizard, Jason,” proclaimed the former Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards. “It is our choices Jason, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities to defend the high pick-and-roll.”


Collins has received numerous expressions of support for coming out as a gay wizard after the 13-year pro penned a Sports Illustrated column. “I’m a 34-year-old NBA center. I’m black. I’m gay. And I’m a Wizard,” declared Collins.

“I didn’t set out to be the first openly gay wizard playing in a major American team sport. But since I am, I’m happy to start the conversation. I wish I wasn’t the kid in the baggy ill-fitting clothing in the classroom raising his hand and causing snakes to escape their zoos and saying, ‘I’m different.’ If I had my way, some other Wizard would have already done this. Gilbert Arenas didn’t, which is why I’m raising my hand.”

Dumbledore’s statement in support of Jason Collins is not the first foray of the 115-year-old great wizard into the world of professional basketball. Dumbledore drew heated criticism for his comments during last year’s NBA Finals that Russell Westbrook’s post-game fashion reminded him “of a young Gellert Grindelwald,” and claimed in 1983 that he would “totally bang Magic Johnson in a hot second.”

Dumbledore has also noted on multiple occasions that, “If there is one thing Kobe Bryant cannot understand, it’s love.”

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