30 More Things That Go Through The Mind Of Every Northwestern Student (Almost) Every Day

Is it true that Morty once took Margaret Thatcher to a nice dinner and never called her back?

Because 33 things that go through the mind of every Northwestern student (almost) every day just wasn’t enough.

1) OF ALL THE GIN JOINTS IN ALL THE WORLD WHY DID TISDAHL HAVE TO SHUT DOWN MINE.

2) No but it’s fine The Keg wasn’t that great I’ll just go somewhere else in Evanston OH MY GOD THERE IS NO WHERE ELSE.

3) TIIIIIISSSSSSSDAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

4) It’s April. Why the fuck do I need to wear a Northface in April.

5) If BK was a McDonalds I would be broke and fat.

6) Why the fuck does this SafeRide think it can just drive up the hill in front of Norris. I’m not getting out of your way, SafeRide. Suck my dick.

7) “Let’s go to Nevin’s tonight!” – said no one ever.

8) I would hug the shit out of Morty if I ever saw him on the street.

9) What’s that? Do I want to go to Tech Libes with you? No. I would rather not have my soul sucked out through my anus, thanks.

10) Can’t tell if kid in front of me never showers, or just lives in Bobb.

11) Being on Facebook in the library feels hypnotically productive and reassuring.

12) I really would love to pursue (fill in major here), but all the required classes are at 9 AM. I think it would just be easier to pick an entirely different career path.

13) I DON’T GIVE A FUCK THAT YOU’RE DONE WITH FINALS AT YOUR SCHOOL, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OFF MY NEWSFEED.

14) OH MY GOD I THOUGHT THAT CLASSROOM IN TECH WAS EMPTY I WAS SO SURE BUT I OPENED THE DOOR AND THERE WAS SOMEONE IN THERE SO AWKWARD OH MY GOD.

15) Where are these racist people I hear so much about and how do I punch them in the dick.

16) Wait so it’s Monday. Now what.

17) NOW FUCKING WHAT.

18) Lol well BK will be the first to go that’s for damn sure. Good, that security guard is a doooouuuuchhheeeeeeee.

19) I want to go the Great Room but I also don’t want to freeze my dick off.

20) I want to go anywhere but I also don’t want to freeze my dick off.

21) It’s almost like, when they were building Norris/the library/Kellogg they were all in one room and one guy was like, “But how can we make this shit uglier,” and everyone just fucking raised their hand.

22) I walk a little faster when I pass Sigma Nu at night. Mother FUCK that shit.

23) Hello officer. Whats that? What do you mean ‘Why am I carrying six 40s to the lakefill?’

24) Whose fucking dick do I have to suck to find out what bands are playing on Dillo Day.

25) I told myself I wasn’t going to steal a bunch of shit from Lisa’s but then they wanted $7 for a Hershey bar and decided not to install a security system.

26) I told myself I wasn’t going to go to this frat party but then everyone else I know is going because there’s nothing else to fucking do.

27) If I ever discover somebody having sex in the library, I’m going to yell “TROOOLLLLLLL IN THE DUNGEON,” and faint.

28) According to what I’ve learned in my 8 am orgo class, it’s been scientifically proven that fuck my 8 am orgo class.

29) Oh cool we’re getting a new student center/music building/lakeside sport center 5 years after I graduate. Rad.

30) I think the hive of people in black jackets smoking directly in front of Plex is 67% of the contributions to global warming.