EVANSTON– Senior Aidan McCarthy was spotted Thursday staring out into Lake Michigan, hoping against hope that a soft green light would appear to reignite his long-dormant self-confidence and offer a sense of hope for the future.
“McCarthy believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us.”
Friends report that McCarthy, now just a few weeks from graduation, has been wandering to the Lakefill every night, all in a desperate attempt to turn his life around.
“He really doesn’t have any job offers, or anyone in his life, or any savings of any sort,” said senior Jason Cortes, who requested that we make clear that he was not actually real friend with McCarthy, but more of a Facebook friend. “Honestly, I’m not exactly sure where he’s living currently. So yeah, this seems like a good use of his time.”
When reached for comment Thursday, McCarthy acknowledged that his actions had been inspired by the impending release of the film adaption of The Great Gatsby.
“I was just watching my ninth episode of Breaking Bad for the day when I saw an ad for this really fun looking film about parties and sex in the 1920s,” McCarthy explained. “It looked like a light-hearted romp so I Googled Binged* it and it turns out it’s just about some guy who sees a green light and it gives him this awesome egg house and some flower child girlfriend. I could totally go for that!”
As of last contact with McCarthy he had on four separate occasions believed that he had spotted the magical soft green light, only to find out that it was literally the least magical thing ever conceived on this Earth: a light from a factory in Gary, Indiana.
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Sherman Ave 
Poor McCarthy, at least he has good taste in TV. Did you mean to inspire a parallel between Walter White and Gatsby?