Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: 1835 Hinman

25 May

Gentlemen, these will be the most mediocre days of your lives!

I remember with great clarity the moment that I found out I would be spending my first year of college in the venerable dorm of 1835 Hinman.  I remember going downstairs to use my parents’ computer (because this was the year 2010, and computers had just been invented), I remember waiting 45 seconds for the page to load (we had Comcast), and most of all I remember the first exclamation that rushed out of my mouth.


Living in 1835 Hinman is never considered with great fondness or unbridled excitment, but rather stiff indifference; if it were a film director, it would be Wes Anderson.  When I am old and decrepit, I will not look back on my months spent in Hinman as the “golden” ones, but rather the “bauxite” ones – still of some value, but not as objectively special or widely regarded.  Would I recommend living in 1835 Hinman?  Sure, I guess.  Maybe?  If you want.  It’s really your call.  But I’ll do my best to inform your decision a little more with a breakdown of the finer merits and drawbacks of living in the Calvin Coolidge of campus housing.

Food:  Combine the mediocre-at-best quality of Matthew McConaughey’s acting with the reliability of a Starbuck’s barista misspelling your name, throw in some passive-aggressive employees and a dash of cultural appropriation, and there you have the Hinman dining hall.  It has hours that are friendly to all sorts of inconvenient schedules (read: day-drinking), but the food is never going to wow you.  However, you can always get pizza or a sandwich.  Or overcooked rice.  Or an overcooked rice and pizza sandwich, if you’re feeling especially ballsy.

Rooms: The rooms are fine.  They’re a bit small, but fine.  Overhead lighting is something you’ll have to learn without, but then again, so are sanitary bathrooms (see below).  THAT BEING SAID: you must be very careful, because on each floor in Hinman, there is a room shaped like an L.  YES, YOU HEARD ME.  A ROOM SHAPED LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING L.  Yours truly had the crushing misfortune of living in the L room, and to this day, I blame it for all my horrid and depraved ways.  If your room ends in the number 24, the L room is in your future, so – as Vlad the Impaler used to say to his enemies – sucks to suck.

Also, if you can in any way avoid living on the 5th floor, do so.  You can’t go anywhere without going up or down 9 flights of stairs (11 if you’re trying to do laundry).  You will tell friends jokingly that it “builds your muscle.”  It doesn’t build muscle.  It builds nothing except your hatred for all those around you.

Suites: Living in a suite is great.  You will share a common area and a bathroom with 8 or 9 other people.  These people will be friends of yours and it will be good.  Sometimes people play games or jam out in suites, and that’s fun.  Sometimes people do homework in suites, and that’s less fun.

Social life: To be perfectly honest, Hinman does not match the social life in Bobb or Elder.  This is not the dorm where you will be woken up at 7:45am on a game day and offered shots.  It’s more of a dorm where you’ll spend a Friday night watching Human Centipede or Sporcling on a big TV screen.  You won’t see a ton of the guys go Greek, but a decent number of girls will.  That being said, if you’re looking to throw drink casually in your dorm room while playing FIFA or watching National Treasure (drink every time there’s a historical fallacy), Hinman is a good place to do so.

Location: Hinman’s selling point is that it is right across the street from Lake Michigan.  This means that in the winter, you can look longingly out to the lake and lament the gruesome weather conditions, and in the spring, you can also look longingly out to the lake and lament the gruesome weather conditions.  When it finally gets warm, you can look longingly out to the lake and see blue waters and white sailboats, and then go back to study for your Chem exam.  Hinman is five minutes from downtown Evanston, and only four minutes from Burger King, assuming that you’re walking with an urgency with which anyone should walk to Burger King.  If you have classes on South Campus (especially Fisk or Kresge), Hinman is really convenient.  Most importantly, it’s right next to Jones Residential College, where the sonorous shrieks of delusional theatre majors will make you wish you were an engineer living in Sargent (literally nothing else could make you wish that).

Amenities: Hinman bathrooms will haunt in a way that nothing else will ever haunt you.  Except for a bathroom in any other large dorm.  So actually, there’s no way to win.  But there is a piano which is out of tune to only a mildly offensive level, and a basement with a ping-pong table, vending machines, and laundry machines.  There will be guys who play ping-pong on a daily basis, and they will be intimidating and you will probably find them off-putting.  College is fun.

Chillness of CAs: Pretty damn chill.

Chillness of CSOs: Also pretty damn chill.

Biddies per hallway: Three (four if you count your right hand)

Bangable boys per hallway: Three (six if you count their right hands)

6 Responses to “Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: 1835 Hinman”

  1. Jimmy May 27, 2013 at 4:38 pm #

    We got overhead lighting over winter break….

    • Sam S. May 27, 2013 at 4:53 pm #

      524 for the win!!!

  2. D'Andre Thirstyboi Jackson May 27, 2013 at 5:40 pm #

    ayo whattup its ya boi Big Thirsty aka Five Dolla Foot Long aka Cocaine Scrotum aka the Black Ronald Reagan nahmsayin. ayo son i aint got nunna dem smart ass comments to share dis time tho, word is bond. i jus wanted to say that one a the realest niggas in NU (i.e. Big Thirst, if yall aint know) is postin up in this bitch nahmean keepin the fort locked down. word to ya mother, im TOO trill wit this shit. Aight peace

    • Alex Shin May 31, 2013 at 6:55 am #

      Could I please please please have the contact info of D’andre Thirstyboi Jackson? Sounds like he/she really is obsessed with something… And something tells me he/she is white. Just putting that out there…

      • Alex Shin May 31, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

        Btw great job dumbfuck. Making Northwestern seem all stupid and shit. I’m assuming you aren’t a real person who grew up in an environment to genuinely talk like that.To any prospective students reading the dumbass’s comment, don’t let that dumbfuck sway you. NU’s a great school. Great people. Just some dumbfucks. But hey, I’m sure that’s the case at every school

  3. Alex Shin May 31, 2013 at 1:08 pm #

    And I wanted to know your name so I could air your dumbass out, but that would’ve been mean. Even for your dumbass. And note how the dumbfuck posted the comment at 5:40 PM CST to make it seem like it was a sober message. Try harder asscrack. Try harder. And put your name up next time Or else you just sound like a puss. And lastly, seriously! If you want to get to know me or my friends, just let us know!

    And hey dumbfuck I hope you have a shitass dillo day. Everyone else have fun!

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