Mayfest: And That’s Why You Always Leave A Note

31 May
"We cancelled Dillo because you left the door open with the air conditioning on."

“We cancelled Dillo because you left the door open with the air conditioning on.”

EVANSTON– Mayfest announced Friday morning that the group’s 18-month delay in announcing Dillo Day’s nighttime headliner was all part of an elaborate plan to teach Northwestern students to leave a note when necessary.

“Maybe next time you guys will leave a goddamn note to let us know whether we can holler about blowjobs,” Mayfest co-chair William Timmins-Claus said. “This whole debacle? That’s why you always leave a note.”

The group confirmed in a steamy text exchange that they had consulted with J. Walter Weatherman, a noted one-armed local, before carrying out their incredibly unnecessary ruse.

“He was very in favor of using fake limbs and gratuitous amounts of blood, but kind of figured that if we did that those sick pre-meds would get all excited and start doing surgery,” Timmins-Claus said. “We opted for a more drawn out, less funny, more emotionally devastating long-con.”

Mayfest announced the con only after local private investigator Gene Parmesan caught wind of their intentions.

“Out of nowhere, he was just in our meeting when we were planning this,” Timmins-Claus said. “No one noticed him, ya know, because of the mustache, but then he tore it off and we were like, ‘WHAAAATTT?!'”

Reaction to the trick was mixed, he said, with the vast majority of students saying that they believed Mayfest had made a huge mistake.

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