Wimbledon Drinking Game

2 Jul

Wait. Tennis looks fun.

Despite the great weather in Chicago following the Blackhawks rally, citizens are filled with an inner gloom due to the lack of worthy sports teams to cheer for.* What are we supposed to do, watch the U.S. Women’s Golf Open? Turn on any golf tournament and I bet you’re asleep in 15 minutes. Too bad there’s no Olympics this year….but wait! Remember that one time you actually watched tennis during the Olympics because AMERICA! ? Through your series of U-S-A chants and shots of UV Blue taken from your red solo cups, you were probably amazed by the fact tennis can be played on grass. Well, guess what. There’s a tournament on those awesome grass courts every year! It’s called The Championships, or more commonly Wimbledon, and it is amazing. If watching tennis is only your thing during the Olympics, let me help make it your thing as Wimbledon enters its second week with ALCOHOL. That’s right–I present to you the very first “The Blackhawks Rally is Over and Now I’m Forced to Watch Tennis Drinking Game”.

You’ll need:

  • mixed drink

  • hard alcohol

  • shot glasses

  • free time between 6am and 2pm OR a DVR type device

  • friends

Take a drink if:

  • You get confused who is who because both players are wearing white

  • Rafa picks his wedgie OH WAIT HE LOST HAHA

  • Someone mentions the “wide open draw” due to all of the top seeds who lost

  • Someone questions whether Federer will win another major

  • You giggle because the grunting reminds you of “secks”

  • You actually recognize a player’s name!!!!!!!!!!

  • Someone mentions how Serena is unstoppable, her serve is the best by far, she’ll probably take the title, etc, etc.

  • You question how many secrets fill Serena Williams’ hair

  • Someone compares Serena Williams to a man (can be from your own viewing party)

  • A commentator completely botches a foreign name (drink twice if it’s Brad Gilbert)

  • Someone makes an unforced error (AKA completely botches an easy shot)

  • Someone challenges a call

  • Someone loses their service game

  • A game has more than one deuce (and take a drink for every deuce there is)

  • A player double faults

  • You find yourself singing one of the jingles/tunes they play every time they go to/from commercials

  • They show someone famous in the crowd and you actually know who it is

  • A player yells “COME ONNNNNNNNNN” (or something of the sort in their own language)

  • You have no idea what’s going on

  • Novak Djokovic looks FIIIIIINE. Unf.

Take a shot if:

  • Serena Williams wins a set 6-0

  • Serena Williams intimidates you while you watch her

  • Venus Williams is mentioned during Serena’s match

  • Someone slams their racket on the court

  • Someone mentions how there were no American men who made it through to the third round (feel free to cry a little as well)

  • The “bizarre” series of injuries and withdrawals are mentioned (take two shots of the word “bizarre” is actually used)

  • A men’s match goes to 5 sets

  • A women’s match goes to 3 sets

  • Novak Djokovic makes a joke/is adorable/makes your heart melt

  • Bernard Tomic says something douchey in a press conference

  • A commentator gives an obvious piece of analysis like “he needs to stop hitting the ball in the net”

  • They show someone “famous” in the crowd and you don’t know who it is

  • The last set (5th set for men/ 3rd set for women) goes beyond 6-6

  • Take another shot if that ^ happens and the famous Isner/Mahut match is mentioned

Finish your drink if:

  • The player you decided to root for loses

  • The higher seeded player loses

  • Ball person gets hit with a ball


  • Djokovic rips off his shirt after a match (add a shot if it turns you on)

  • One of the commentators talks about their own tennis career

  • Someone asks you why you’re watching tennis

  • Someone tells you “tennis is easy, it’s not a real sport”**

  • Mary Carillo makes you want to punch a small child


*Let’s face it, cheering for either Cubs or the Sox is really a hopeless act at this point

** I have surprisingly been told this a lot BUT PLEASE TELL ME in what other sport can players easily be on court for 5 hours straight and have no one to coach them while playing and still make it look easy and not go crazy by themselves?!??! HMMM?? </end rant>


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