Prince Emerges From Duchess Kate’s Womb

22 Jul

Womb Raider

At approximately 4:30pm this afternoon, renowned musical artist Prince emerged from the womb of Duchess Kate Middleton at St. Mary’s Hospital in London, sources report.

While there has been considerable hype leading to the birth of Middleton’s child, few were expecting Prince, a 55-year-old racially ambiguous man from Minnesota, to slide out of her uterus this afternoon.

“I must admit I’m a bit surprised,” said Kate Middleton.  “I knew that my son would be someone great, and, er, I know some people think he is great at some things sometimes.”  

“I can’t take any more questions,” added the Duchess, watching with mordant horror as the artist formerly known as Ƭ̵̬̊ shook off Princess Kate’s afterbirth and composed an ode to Pippa Middleton’s shapely ass.

Prince, on the other hand, seemed ecstatic.

“Ha!  What now, bitches?” yelled Prince, who had been presumed dead since his performance at the Super Bowl in 2007.  “Do I own Canada yet?”

Sources report that the royal family is making alterations to the status of the child, breaking centuries of storied tradition and lineage.

“Yes, Prince shall be third in line to the crown,” explained Prince Harry, “of Zimbabwe.  Third in line to the crown of Zimbabwe.  Robert Mugabe, then Her Majesty the Queen, then Prince, my s–my s–my son.”

Queen Elizabeth II could not be reached for comment, but she released a statement shortly after Prince’s birth, stating, “Oh dear heavens goodness gracious heavens me oh my word oh heavens.”

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