Moorehead, expounding further upon his top 5 all-time shmears
SAINT PAUL, MN — Macalester College freshman and Westchester County native James Moorehead will not shut up about the elite nature of New York City’s bagels or pizza, sources report.
“I don’t know, there’s something about a New York City bagel that you just can’t find anywhere else,” complained a wary Moorehead at his local Einstein Bros Bagels. Added the Bedford native, “I think it has to do with the water or something.”
When asked about Moorehead’s preferences, roommate Calvin Berglund from Northfield, MN responded, “Oh Jesus, will he just shut the fuck up about how much better New York bagels are than everywhere else? We get it–they’re big bagels. And that lox are a thing. Sorry we’re so backward here in Minnesota.”
As of press time, Moorehead was having a spirited argument with fellow Macalester freshman and recent Naperville North High School graduate Ryan Krashesky about the relative merits of New York versus Chicago pizza.
Sherman Ave 
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