“Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels,” Reports Woman Who Eats Only Kale

28 Aug

SAN FRANCISCO — Local yoga instructor Carrie Kent was overheard today telling a friend that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” despite her not having eaten anything other than basically just kale in well over three years.

“People always say it’s hard to diet because they love food so much,” said Kent. “It’s just never made that much sense to me.  I love eating as much as the next person, but when I think about how much I want to look and feel good, it’s not hard for me to turn down the super flavorful and totally satisfying vegetables which have somehow comprised my entire diet for the last few years.”

“Sometimes I really just want to take a huge bite out a juicy leaf of kale, but when I think about it if it’s worth it, I always remember that it really isn’t worth it,” she added.

Kent proceeded to open up a bag of Kale chips, which she had just purchased from Whole Foods for $8.99.

“I’m treating myself to these right now,” said Kent.  “I haven’t had a carb since Bush was in office.  Herbert Walker.”

In related news, Kent’s friend Gretchen Heinz, a 31-year-old mother of two who eats only oatmeal for breakfast, announced publicly via Twitter this morning that “breakfast food really just isn’t that good.”

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