Sherman Ave Homecoming Court Voter Guide: Isabella Pasbakhsh

22 Sep

Sherman Ave sat down with each of the 2013 Homecoming Court nominees for wide-ranging discussions in order to better prepare NU students for the most important election of the next 15 days. Voting for Homecoming King and Queen begins soon!


Sir Edward Twattingworth III: Where are you originally from?

Isabella Pasbakhsh: I’m from Las Vegas.

Twattingworth: Oh, so it must have been interesting growing up with both of your parents as strippers.

Pasbakhsh: Actually it was just my mom, so that made it easier. No, I’m kidding. My mom’s a teacher and my dad’s a car dealer so it was actually really normal.

Twattingworth: So if you had to marry, screw and kill one person on Homecoming Court who would it be?

Pasbakhsh: I don’t think I should answer that… Did anyone else answer it?

Twattingworth: This year we’d have people answer, the year before almost no one did. But we have had some people pass too so you can do that if you want to.

Pasbakhsh: Yeah, I think I’ll do that.

Twattingworth: Ok, can you describe your ideal date?

Pasbakhsh: Um, I actually don’t know what I would want as an ideal date cause I would hope it wasn’t like any of the dates I’ve had so far.

Twattingworth: Can you describe the worst date you’ve had then?

Pasbakhsh: Well I haven’t really had like a horrible one either, but my ideal one would probably be like the dates I’ve had, just elevated a bit and made better and different and unique.

Twattingworth: How would you use your position as Homecoming Queen to combat greenhouse gas emissions?

Pasbakhsh: I don’t think I know what those are…

Twattingworth: Like, the gases that cause climate change. C02 and stuff.

Pasbakhsh: Oh, yeah yeah that’s right. I don’t think I’d be powerful enough to do that, but hopefully I would know other important people and have them work towards that.

Twattingworth: Okay so I’m just gonna paint a little word picture for you here. It’s Homecoming Weekend. It’s the night of the football game and you show up at Ryan Field ready to go, only to find that there are tens of thousands of Buckeye fans littering our stands. Do you use the threat of legal action to get rid of the assholes? Physical aggression? Emotionally destroy them?

Pasbakhsh: I’m actually a very physically aggressive person, especially when I drink, which is scary, but I feel like I would just start taking them on one-by-one. Maybe get some backup, Court might have to help.

Twattingworth: What’s your favorite thing about yourself? 

Pasbakhsh: I think my sense of humor. I’m pretty good about not taking things too seriously or being a very stern person, and I think it helps to just have a good time.

Twattingworth: That’s really interesting, and I’d like to follow up and get a little more in-depth by asking what’s your favorite thing about me?

Pasbakhsh: I think your sense of humor as well. It’s pretty compatible, I think it makes for a great conversation.

Twattingworth: What’s your major? 

Pasbakhsh: Political Science and Communication Studies.

Twattingworth: That’s great. Do you have any job prospects from that yet? What’s the average median income in the field? Are a lot of places hiring? Do you know what you’re doing after graduation? Why aren’t you married yet?

Pasbakhsh: I don’ think there’s any jobs really in that field. I think it’s English majors that wanted to pretend they were serious, so that’s kind of why I added Communication Studies, because that has some potential. I don’t think I answered everything, what else was there?

Twattingworth: If you happen to know the median income or want to explain why you’re not married, go ahead.

Pasbakhsh: I feel like that would take a while to explain.

Twattingworth: On that note, when was the last time that you stood in the shower listening to Adele and weeping for hours on end?

Pasbakhsh: Ahh, I don’t really listen to Adele.

Twattingworth: Then who do you listen to while you cry in the shower?

Pasbakhsh: I listen to a lot of Spanish music actually, since that was my first language. So I tend to go back to that when I need to.

Twattingworth: Who would you say has been the biggest influence on your life in the last 14 minutes?

Pasbakhsh: Probably the girl who ran past me on my walk over here. She didn’t say like “on your left” or anything and kind of forced me off the sidewalk.

Twattingworth: That’s traumatizing.

Pasbakhsh: Yeah, it made me miss your building here and I had to come back.

Twattingworth: Wow. Just… awful. Some people say that Homecoming Court is a popularity contest that doesn’t reflect the Northwestern community. I don’t have a question here, just wanted to inform you that there is dissent among your subjects.

Pasbakhsh: I’m still not sure how I got on Homecoming Court so I’m not sure it is as much of a popularity contest. But you do probably have to be somewhat known to be on Homecoming Court.

Twattingworth: Do you have a favorite bar in Evanston or Chicago?

Pasbakhsh: Definitely not in Evanston.

Twattingworth: What do you mean?? We have Bar Louie!!

Pasbakhsh: No. Wrigleyville’s pretty fun, I like some of the bars down there. But I’m not really a bar person, being from Vegas there’s not as much of just a bar scene there.

Twattingworth: Ok, what’s your favorite brothel in Evanston or Chicago?

Pasbakhsh: Or my favorite strip club? Favorite brothel is probably my apartment right now.

Twattingworth: Is it a brothel? You’ve got more than three?

Pasbakhsh: Yeah, they’re actually onto us.

Twattingworth: Well this isn’t gonna help, I bet EPD reads Sherman Ave constantly and they’re gonna see this. Do you have anything that remains on your Northwestern bucket list?  Do you have a bucket list?  Have you ever vomited in that bucket?

Pasbakhsh: I don’t really have an NU bucket list. I feel like there are things that pop up that I want to do, like painting a rock on the Lakefill. Or painting The Rock.

Twattingworth: Karl Marx once famously said, “Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.” Can you discuss that quote?

Pasbakhsh: No, I can’t. I mean… The poor ugly people. Like you know how you hear people say that we should put all the ugly people on an island together?

Twattingworth: What? No. I’ve never heard anyone but you say that.

Pasbakhsh: Oh, maybe that’s not a well-known idea. But some people think that, I don’t. I think everyone can contribute to our society, and I’m not really sure where I’m going with this.

Twattingworth: What’s your favorite movie?

Pasbakhsh: I actually really liked Pitch Perfect. And Rebel Wilson, she’s hilarious. Fat Amy. She like made the movie.

Twattingworth: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had two midterms and a paper tomorrow and then an exec meeting until 9 and a dinner date he really CANNOT cancel?

Pasbakhsh: Well I don’t think a woodchuck would be at Northwestern, so that might make it easier. But if he were a wildcat, he could chuck all the wood because wildcats are awesome.

Twattingworth: What episode of Spongebob would you say has had the greatest impact on who you are as a person today?

Pasbakhsh: I hate when people ask about Spongebob because I never watched it.

Twattingworth: Oh. Well. What show that you watched a child would you say had the greatest impact on who you are now? 

Pasbakhsh: Well there was this novella when I was younger, and there was this aunt that would wear like different colored wigs. And there was this little girl who was about the same age as me, and I always wanted to be that little girl. I always asked my aunt to buy me wigs and I think I always aspired to be like that.

Twattingworth: I don’t know if you remember this, it was a pretty obscure incident, but it was a few years ago and there was this class-

Pasbakhsh: Oh god…

Twattingworth: That’s all I have to say for you to understand that I’m talking about the fucksaw?

Pasbakhsh: Nothing really exciting has happened here since that.

Twattingworth: All I said was, “there was a class!”

Pasbakhsh: I had like friends that were in it. Some of them were traumatized, some of them were like excited, others didn’t really know what was going on and had probably never experienced anything like that.

Twattingworth: I would hope they hadn’t. Do you think you would rule Homecoming Court like John Roberts on the Supreme Court or LeBron James on the hardwood court?

Pasbakhsh: Why are they both men?

Twattingworth: Because. Patriarchy. 

Pasbakhsh: Rude! Maybe like LeBron James? I don’t know, I feel like-

Twattingworth: [interrupting, because patriarchy] Wait! I do know a female basketball player. Would you rule like Skylar Diggins on the hardwood? 

Pasbakhsh: …I don’t know who that is.

Twattingworth: Well, look who’s playing into the patriarchy now.

Pasbakhsh: Yeah… I think like LeBron James though.

Twattingworth: What’s your favorite Sherman Ave article or feature:

Pasbakhsh: This one that’s about to come out with me in it! Otherwise, I like those freshman articles you guys write with advice, I think you had them last year too. Those are really funny because they’re so real but at the same time a little bit exaggerated.

Twattingworth: What is your favorite movie franchise that made way too many movies?  Your options are Rocky, The Fast and the Furious, and The Village.

Pasbakhsh: The Fast and the Furious. So good, it’s like a guilty pleasure. It’s embarrassing but me and my roommate went to go see the midnight premiere. As you can tell, I really have nothing else to be doing in Evanston. And they still have a good storyline!

Twattingworth: What’s the hardest class you’ve taken at NU?

Pasbakhsh: Electrical Engineering and Computer Science.

Twattingworth: …Why did you take that?!

Pasbakhsh: I thought that I was gonna be like a cognitive science major, cause I came into Northwestern as bio-chem, like pre-med bio-chem. Then the first like week my adviser convinced me out of it. She was like, “do you really think it’s the life for you? Are you willing to sacrifice everything?” and as a freshman I was just like, “No, I don’t know.” And so then sophomore year I was cognitive science and so I took that and it ended up being the worst class ever.

Twattingworth: Do you wear boxers or briefs?

Pasbakhsh: On weekends, I wear boxers. Except on Sundays when I wear neither.

Twattingworth: As God intended.

Pasbakhsh: Yeah, you came into this world without anything on, and you never know when you’re going to leave this world so you should be in the same form as when you entered.

Twattingworth: What are your thoughts on updog?

Pasbakhsh: …

Twattingworth: Say it! Say it!

Pasbakhsh: …Updog?

Twattingworth: Don’t you wanna know what that is?

Pasbakhsh: Yeah, what’s updog?

Twattingworth: GOT HERRRR!!!!!! I mean. Um. Not much, what’s up with you, dawg?

Pasbakhsh: Ohhhh, that’s a good joke.

Twattingworth: That’s an original joke that we hired a team of writers to craft. Would you dance, if I asked you to dance?

Pasbakhsh: Yeah.

Twattingworth: Would you run away and never look back?

Pasbakhsh: No, I’d probably look back a couple of times, just to make sure you weren’t like following.

Twattingworth: That’s fair, there have been a lot of muggings.

Pasbakhsh: Yeah, you fit that description. Every email just describes you, it actually has your name attached to it.

Twattingworth: Have you ever felt personally victimized by Dr. Patricia Telles-Irvin?

Pasbakhsh: No. Is she gonna read this? No, I’m pretty close with her. She’s from the same town in Texas as my mom, El Paso, so we have that in common.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: