In June, Sherman Ave sat down with each of the 2013 Homecoming Court nominees for wide-ranging discussions. If any cultural references seem slightly out of date, that’s because that was June and this is September and that’s how time works. Voting for Homecoming King and Queen begins soon!
Evander Jones: Some people say that Homecoming Court is a popularity contest that doesn’t accurately reflect the Northwestern community. I don’t have a question here, I just wanted to inform you that there’s dissent among your potential subjects. Would you rule the Homecoming Court like Chief Justice Roberts on the Supreme Court, or LeBron James on the hardwood court?
Savannah Enders: I’ll say LeBron James on the basketball court.
Evander: What do you think would be similar in your leadership styles?
Savannah: We’re just a lot of fun. I guess people like to watch and see what our next move is. The Supreme Court seems a little boring.
Evander: Who would you say has had the biggest influence on your life in the past 14 minutes?
Savannah: My professor, because I just left class. He’s a biomedical engineering professor. He’s exciting and cool and me and my friend want to like creep on him in another class we’ll have with him.
Evander: He makes biomedical engineering cool? Impressive.
Savannah: Yeah! He tells stories about his kids and how he crashed his car into random things and he curses in class.
Evander: You’re a biomedical engineer? Then you’re much smarter than anybody who writes for Sherman Ave.
Savannah: No, you’re very smart! You’re good with words.
Evander: I’d say we’re bad with words. We’ve perpetrated some horrible crimes on the English language. But thank you very much. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had two midterms and a paper tomorrow and then an exec meeting until 9 and a dinner date he really CANNOT cancel?
Savannah: I don’t know! A lot? I guess as much as your futon, or something. He’d have to spare time to do all of his other things you just mentioned.
Evander: I don’t know, it’s a pretty crappy couch. If you had to marry, screw, or kill the members of the Homecoming Court, who would they be?
Savannah: Kill? That’s really mean. I feel like, all of them would be Demitri. All at the same time.
Evander: I won’t ask about the order.
Savannah: We cheered together, it was awesome. And he’s just great. We have an inside joke where I say I’ll kill him and wear his skin as a coat.
Evander: That’s an inside joke? Speaking of cheerleading, was it harder to cheer while Northwestern was blowing a fourth-quarter lead, or when you had to be out in Ryan Field during 20-degree weather.
Savannah: The weather. My first game, it was in the summer. And it was 40-degrees and raining. I’m from Texas, I’m used to the heat. And the sun. And nobody could see my teeth or my ears. I can cheer through any losing game, I just put a smile on and act even crazier. It’s the weather. Like at the Wrigley Game, when I couldn’t feel my feet and the coach wouldn’t let us put on clothes.
Evander: And you didn’t even have the benefit of drinking through it, which is how I get through most of the cold. Where are you from in Texas?
Savannah: Outside of Austin.
Evander: What’s your favorite thing about that area?
Savannah: Everything. The people and the food. Keep Austin Weird is real. Because everyone’s just crazy.
Evander: How do you keep Austin weird?
Savannah: I hang out with my crazy friends, go downtown, go canoeing, stand-up paddle boarding. You should try it some time.
Evander: I’d love to. What’s your favorite Native American tribe?
Savannah: The Sioux.
Evander: What does that say about you?
Savannah: My parents say that we’re part Sioux, from way back when. I guess it’s in my blood somewhere.
Evander: Are you really good at hunting down buffalo?
Savannah: Yeah. I’d say so.
Evander: What’s your favorite Sherman Ave article or feature?
Evander: She’s a gem. We’re lucky to have her.
Savannah: She’s my next door neighbor. I’m a CA in Elder.
Evander: What’s it like being a CA in Elder?
Savannah: A bottle of fun. And unexpected craziness. They ask you interesting questions because they’re freshmen. Drunk people saying weird things.
Evander: What’s the craziest thing that ever happened to you as a CA?
Savannah: They all kind of blend together, it’s hard to tease out the one. It’s hard being introduced when you’re out, having somebody say “this is my old CA.” Because I’m a cool CA!
Evander: What else remains on your Northwestern bucket list?
Savannah: That’s so funny that you ask me that because I was texting my friend yesterday, and I wanted to be on NU crushes, and I was called out on NU crushes. They said “Savannah Rose… too pretty.” I was like, “Aw, shucks, that’s wonderful!” Making out on the lakefill is another. Also, I want to go to the top of Swift, because I’ve been on Block already.
Evander: Can you describe your ideal Dillo Day lineup?
Savannah: Adele. She’s not too Dillo-y, but Adele. And… my friend’s say I live under a rock.
Evander: The Rock?
Savannah: Yes, that’s one of the rocks I’ve lived under. Adele’s cool. Can you bring Whitney Houston back to life?
Evander: I think Mayfest has enough in their budget to do that.
Savannah: They should. Lil’ John would be excited, because he just yells at you. And next year they need to do daytime fireworks. Fireworks all throughout Dillo Day. Just random explosions. I always forget that they have fireworks until they happen again, and I get really excited.
Evander: My biggest fear about Adele as a headliner is that people would be too busy crying to enjoy Dillo Day.
Savannah: And everybody would feel so lonely. She’ll remind you of all the boys that never worked out. But then Lil’ John would just pick everything back up!
Evander: How would you use your position as Homecoming Queen to ease tensions in Syria?
Savannah: I’d give someone a hug. Just anybody a hug.
Evander: So you’re taking one of the members of Homecoming Court out on a date. Who do you take, and how do you try and seduce them?
Savannah: I’ll take Will Ritter, because his sorority and my sorority had an event, and I didn’t go and somebody said that he asked about me. So I want to get to know him because he’s cool. I’d do a cheer for him. It would be an impromptu cheer.
Evander: Do you think Angels chiseled his chin with a square chisel, or what happened there?
Savannah: A square tool? More like a trapezoidal chisel. Angels? Yes. Square? No. Trapezoid? Maybe.
Evander: Okay so I’m just gonna paint a little word picture for you here. It’s Homecoming Weekend. It’s the night of the football game and you show up at Ryan Field ready to go, only to find that there are tens of thousands of Buckeye fans littering our stands. Do you use the threat of legal action to get rid of the assholes? Physical aggression? Emotionally destroy them?
Savannah: I’m just so little, I don’t know what to do. I would gather the Court, because we also double as an army. And we would karaoke for them, because we’re also awful singers, and they would just leave. Ohio State fans are kind of awful, and I’m pretty scared of them.
Evander: What’s the hardest class you’ve ever taken at Northwestern?
Savannah: Hmmm…. Fluids?
Evander: Northwestern has a class called “Fluids?”
Savannah: Yeah, fluid mechanics. Our professor, she would write six-hour tests.
Evander: That’s very different subject matter than what I was thinking of. What do you want to do as a biomedical engineer?
Savannah: I want to save the world.
Evander: We could use that.
Savannah: I want to be a doctor, maybe be in Doctors Without Borders.
Evander: Well, now that Borders is shut down, Doctors really only have Barnes and Noble. Karl Marx once said, “Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.” Can you discuss that?
Savannah: I don’t know how to respond to that. Everybody matters? It’s nice and inclusive, just like our Court.
Evander: As a biomedical engineer, do you think that we will have perfected fucksaw technology in time for our incoming class four years from now?
Savannah: We haven’t perfected the technology already? I thought it was pretty well-executed back in the day. But yeah, I think we can make it even better. Slide it into a lecture one more time.
Evander: Have you ever felt personally victimized by Patricia Telles-Irvin?
Savannah: No… comment. She’s kind of my boss as a CA. She’s a nice lady.
Evander: Why did you choose to come to Northwestern?
Savannah: When I was young and wide-eyed, I wanted to leave Texas and go somewhere with seasons and good academics, but exciting sports too. So I thought it was a good place. It’s met my expectations, but winter is pretty legitimate. It’s interesting, but I want to go back to Texas eventually. And the sports are great, we won the bowl game last year, and school is challenging, so that’s a good sign.
Evander: We also have Midwestern passive-aggressivity
Savannah: Yes. Which I hate. A lot. But I teach people southern manners most of the time.
Evander: Could you define “Northwestern hot?”
Savannah: The girls are really pretty!
Evander: They are! Not sure about the guys.
Savannah: There’s some attractive guys. But there are Northwestern goggles. You go out to a different place and you’re just like “everyone’s attractive here!” But people complain about Northwestern, but it’s really not that bad. It’s just a smaller sample size.
Evander: If one of the first ladies of the United States could be your Chem TA, who would you most want it to be?
Savannah: Michelle Obama, of course. She has the exercise thing she does, and she likes education.
Evander: Can you talk about your favorite Taylor Swift song, and how it represents what you’ve learned throughout your life about overcoming adversity?
Savannah: She sings “Trouble,” right? Yeah, that one. It brings people together. Just the scream, the anger. I can’t think of the lyrics right now.
Evander: I think they go something like “Trouble, trouble, trouble.”
Savannah: Yeah. Even though she talks about negative things, you just leave the song feeling happier, because you just headbanged to it for three minutes.
Evander: Since your’e a biomedical engineer, can you explain string theory to me in like 15 words or less?
Savannah: Um, I use strings to make friendship bracelets.
Evander: If Gaurav was one of the twelve days of Christmas, which day would he be?
Savannah: What just comes to mind is Five Golden Rings.
Evander: Well, he’s MMSS, so he’ll need that for all the wives he can snag.
Savannah: And he’s from Texas, so he has like a Texas glow.
Evander: If you could teach everybody at Northwestern one thing, what would it be?
Savannah: How to do a handstand. So we could have a Northwestern handstand contest. I was so angry when some wrestler guy beat me at a handstand contest during my freshman year PA group time. I could teach everyone, and then become a master handstand leader.
Evander: Yeah, wrestlers are pretty awful, aren’t they.
Savannah: No they’re not! Don’t put words in my mouth!
Evander: So, the IRS scandal is pretty messed up, right? With that in mind, how would you go about persecuting right-wing groups if elected? And could you guarantee that you wouldn’t be so incompetent as to get caught?
Savannah: Um, I don’t like persecution. I like being nice to people. I wouldn’t do it, so I wouldn’t get caught.
Evander: But isn’t there some group on campus that needs to be persecuted? A cappella groups? Communists?
Savannah: The Communists, maybe. But all the groups are great! They contribute to Northwestern.
Evander: Just two last questions. One weird, one nice. You’re about to hook up with Bill Nye.
Savannah: The science guy!
Evander: What position do you utilize? I told you it was a weird question.
Savannah: Um… We’ll start with a handshake. To get things going. With friction.
Evander: Real question. What’s your favorite thing about yourself, and how would that translate into being a great Homecoming Queen?
Savannah: I have a nice smile. So I could brighten people’s day! And I like skipping. So I could just skip down Sheridan Road.