9 Excellent Things to Use After You’ve Run out of Chaser

30 Sep
Along with Jameson, gummy vitamins will provide you with enough sustenance to last a fortnight.

Along with Jameson, gummy vitamins will provide you with enough sustenance to last a fortnight.

If you’ve ever been to a college party, you are probably uncomfortably familiar with the sinking feeling associated with an improper ratio of mixers to alcohol. At Sherman Ave parties, we then resort to chasing with our own heinousness. But that’s pretty advanced and I don’t recommend it. So, instead of you running out to 7-Eleven and endangering the lives of others, allow me to help you help yourself. Let’s get weird.

1. Gummy vitamins

THIS WORKS. These nutrient-rich gelatinous delights immediately cut the burn of cheap vodka. Bonus: if they contain B-vitamins, they may actually help prevent a hangover. PREMED.

2. Pita chips

Because what kind of party are you throwing if you don’t at least put out a bowl of pita chips? We’re not animals.

3. Hummus

Why would you serve pita chips without hummus? Also, the thick texture is pleasing after a particularly painful shot.

4. Honey

You drink tea with honey when you have a sore throat, so the same logic stands for a throat that’s been rubbed raw by Skol.

5. Tequila

If you’re still drinking after running out of chaser, then you’re obviously well past the point where you should have stopped drinking. So like I mean what’s the harm TEQUILA SHOTS FOR ALL

6. Gasoline[1]

It can’t possibly taste worse than this Costco tequila.

7. Coffee

The caffeine postpones the blackout, so you can keep drinking. Then you will need to come up with even more creative chasers. You go to Northwestern for a reason.

8. Your own urine.

Everyone loves a survivalist.

9. A rousing chorus of Jack & Diane

It reminds us all of simpler times. Like when we just had some fucking lemonade.

Happy chasing!


[1] I briefly considered making this a Freshman Guide article, but then I thought there was a small chance some freshman would take it seriously and then they would die.

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One Response to “9 Excellent Things to Use After You’ve Run out of Chaser”

  1. Doc HappyShaft September 30, 2013 at 4:40 pm #

    ZOMG @ #6 HAV U NOT TASTED COSTCO TEKILAH?

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