WTF is going on with Alison Gold’s ‘Chinese Food’ music video

0-0:11 I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I THINK IT’S SOMETHING ABOUT NOODLES.

0:12-0:15 omg the noodles gave birth to a rainbow

0:16-0:20 Did that little girl just say, and I quote, “After ballin I go clubbin”? (you meant a baseball game and the mickey mouse club, right? RIGHT? STAY IN SCHOOL)

0:20-forever WHY ARE THE SUBTITLES CHANGING LANGUAGES I CAN ONLY READ FRENCH AND ENGLISH YOU MOTHERFUCKERS STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE SORRY I DON’T SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE THAT IS

0:30 Who knocks down a trash can because they’re hungry? #r00d

0:34-0:38 literally this sequence. Because she sees chow. I cannot even.

0:44-0:46 That little girl is violating child labor laws IS THIS LIKE WHEN YOU GUYS HAD 13 YEAR-OLDS DRIVING REBECCA BLACK TO SCHOOL

0:47 This video might be racist

0:53 omg you like fried rice calm down

0:58-1:00 Why is she making it rain. WHO TAUGHT HER HOW TO MAKE IT RAIN.

1:14 “Read the menu!” THAT WAS LITERALLY A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER DON’T FUCK WITH ME, CHILD

1:27 I don’t think that girl in the background is old enough to be on a date

1:45 OMG PEDOPANDABEAR

1:48 DON’T SKIP OVER FIELDS OF GRASS WITH STRANGERS. STRANGERDANGER101

1:56-1:57 I just shat myself

2:02-2:05 pls tell me they aren’t tickling each other.

pls

2:13 Do Mom and Dad know panda man is at your SLUMBER PARTY?

2:14 Don’t lie. You were surprised when the panda turned out to be a rapping black man.

And now you’re imagining him rapping, “Nampenda kichina chakula na baadhi ya supu wontan”

2:18 But actually why would you wear a hat inside a panda suit costume.

2:21 OMG REMEMBER WHEN I SAID THIS VIDEO MIGHT BE RACIST

2:24 When the creepy old guy in the room says “It’s your fantasy”…

2:31 That panda head looks seriously upset.

Maybe it’s because he CAN’T FUCKING EAT BECAUSE HE’S A DISMEMBERED HEAD

2:34 Why would you sing about your love for chopsticks and then use your finger.

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2:40 Homeless pedo panda bear don’t eva give a fuq

2:45 Nice traditional Japanese clothing

2:51 CREEPY PANDA IS ALWAYS WATCHING YOU

2:56 PedoPanda is using other pandas to hit people. That’s like, animal cruelty or something.

3:10 HE PROBABLY HAS A KILL ROOM OMG GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE

3:14 Did I just watch a flying panda come out of the closet?

3:16 Like, who would be so okay with putting a hole in the roof? Srsly. That’s fucked up. Call a contractor.

3:20 How many people were on shrooms during the conceptualization of this video?

3:22 …I’m calling a doctor

-Lady Keystone