I hiked in the cold to my building from Tech
I finally finished my long-as-hell trek.
I climbed tons of stairs way up to the fifth floor
And to my surprise a tie hung on my door.
“Oh, shitfuck!” I heard myself angrily speak.
My roommate did this almost three times a week!
And worse still the walls were indeed paper-thin,
So I could hear all of the loud, clapping skin!
I sat there in thought while I was forced to hear
From the room gross noises flowing to my ear.
“Oh, how can my roommate keep finding,” I thought,
“A new girl each time meanwhile I can find naught?”
My day had been long, I was hungry and sad.
I wanted a nap and some food really bad.
I started to cry, it was too much to bear,
I pounded my fists and I ripped out my hair.
I sat in a puddle of my tears and hair,
When, all of a sudden, as if from thin air,
I saw a granola bar, Nutri-Grain® brand,
Fly out from above me, a sight truly grand.
“Th-Thank you!” I said as I unwrapped the bar
I took one bite, then two, then three, and then more.
“You’re welcome,” I heard a voice boom from above.
I thought I heard Jesus or something thereof.
My roommate and some lassie ruined bedsprings
While Jesus and I spoke ‘bout lots of cool things.
Religion and morals and politics, too,
And that, everybody, is why I joined CRU.
Let this serve as a message to folks near and far,
If hungry and desp’rate and sexiled you are.
Just pray to J.C. and you’ll make a new friend,
Or else I’ll come knock on your door to no end.