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15 Reasons Why You Don’t Need No Man

29 Oct
    1. You are a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to validate her self-worth.

      All hail the queen.

      All hail the queen.

    2. Your best friends will never think anyone is good enough for you (and they’re probably right).

      Your girls: Always there when you need 'em.

      Your girls: Always there when you need ’em.

    3. This is a thing.

      Spray with a little cologne and you'll never need to cuddle again.

      Spray with a little cologne and you’ll never need to cuddle again.

    4. Junk food is always a great replacement for unreciprocated feelings.

      Every woman after a break-up. Don't deny it.

      Every woman after a break-up. Don’t deny it.

    5. You still haven’t met Ryan Gosling, John Krasinski, or Joseph Gordon Levitt.
      Still lookin' for his Autumn.

      Still lookin’ for his Autumn.

      Jim Halpert was my first true love.

      Jim Halpert was my first true love.

See reason #3.

See reason #3.

6. While you wait for the aforementioned studs, Ben, Jerry and Jack are always there for you.

The best guys you know.

The best guys you know.

Seriously.

Seriously.

7. Puppies exist.

ME TOO, PUPPY. ME TOO.

ME TOO, PUPPY. ME TOO.

8. So do kittens.

Nothing is cuter than this kitten. Nothing.

Nothing is cuter than this kitten. Nothing.

9. Law and Order SVU Marathons allow you to mindlessly watch a hot DILF stop rapists.

That's right. DILF.

That’s right. DILF.

It'd be any doctor's dream to fix up that bod.

It’d be any doctor’s dream to fix up that bod.

I mean, COME ON.

I mean, COME ON.

10. You really don’t want to get pregnant or deal with an STD right now.

Self-explanatory.

Self-explanatory.

11. If you do want a kid, there’s always adoption. And sperm banks.

Not this kind of sperm bank.

Not this kind of sperm bank.

12. You’re thinking of joining the convent, anyway.

Look how much fun they're having!!!11!1!!!!!1

Look how much fun they’re having!!!11!1!!!!!1

13. Softcore porn is free on TV. And also Tumblr.

Thanks, Miley!

Thanks, Miley!

14. Hitler was a man.

Um.

Um.

15. Dildos.

Wait, where can I get one of these? Asking for a friend.

Wait, where can I get one of these? Asking for a friend.

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