Predicting the NBA Season In Haikus

LeBron’s mom sleeps with// 14 different Heat players// BronBron blames Cleveland.

With the new NBA season up us, and as the most trusted name in expert professional basketball analysis and predictions on the Web today, we decided to give you a heads up about how this season will go. Check out how the conference standings will look come May, alongside some expertly crafted haikus because of course.

EAST

1. Miami

LeBron’s greatness hides

The chink in the Heat’s armor:

Spoelstra has a chode

2. Indiana

Dear Mister Hibbert,

u r kind of cute. tee hee.

#intogodzilla

3.Chicago

D Rose hurt his knee;

I hurt my eyes looking at

you, Joakim Noah.

4.Brooklyn

Winning can be tough

When your coach and players are

In AARP.

5.New York

Novak loves threes but

Not as much as D’Antoni

Hates Stoudemire

6.Orlando

Hope in Orlando?

Oladipo is future

Nah, plays like Reece Gaines

7.Charlotte

Bobcats have high hopes

JKTANKINGFORWIGGINS

Unless Jordan plays?

8.Cleveland

Kyrie is Cleveland

In footsteps of superstars

Tim Couch Brady Quinn

Extra haiku – Milwaukee

First name: Giannis

Last Name: Antetokounmpo

Nickname: Alphabet

WEST

1.Houston

Superman is great

But the beard is greater

Yao Ming weeps softly

2.Oklahoma City

I feared the beard

Clean-shaven, not quite so much

Fisher is 39?

3. San Antonio

Tony Parker pulls

Marco Belinelli’s Babe.

Duncan’s lovely eyes

4.Clippers

The Doctor is in

Must perform surgery on

Lou Amundson’s face

5.Golden State

Steph is wetter than

All the ladies when I

Don’t drop thun thun thuns

6.Denver

Andre Miller’s game

The Game: You just lost it. Ha!

Hard to Miss George Karl

7.Memphis

Siempre Big Marc

Quiere decir esto:

Yo Pau you a bitch

8.New Orleans

Named selves Pelicans.

Should automatically get

CP3 back now.