A Mad-Lib of an Email from Northwestern’s Administration

30 Oct

Dear Northwestern community members:

This (holiday involving drinking and debauchery), as we plan celebrations and other holiday activities, I want to take a moment and share a few (plural nouns)(Same holiday involving drinking and debauchery) often allows us to (verb) with friends and family while also contributing to the Northwestern and Evanston communities through (event you probably haven’t attended).

For many (holiday) provides an opportunity to get (adjective) with costumes and themed events.  However, it can also be a time when our normal (laudable personal quality that few students actually have) and (laudable personal quality that few students actually have) are forgotten and questionable – even poor – decisions are made.  Many still recall that, several years ago, our community (verb ending in -ed) after insensitive (thing some idiot fucked up) by NU community members made headlines.  Please consider carefully when choosing a (noun) or selecting a (noun).

In addition, our (plural noun used to refer to evil people) in Evanston have noted that students are taking safety seriously by traveling in (noun that refers to a large group of disgusting animals) off campus, but evening and late night conversations can also get a little loud for those with (plural noun) sleeping or who have (event) early in the morning.  I appreciate in advance your sensitivity to those around you who may not be (verb ending in -ing) as exuberantly (or as late).

At Northwestern, we have taken steps to encourage greater (synonym for tuition), as well as creating avenues for the University to (verb) issues of bias, so that action may be taken.  These include the establishment of an office for (buzzwords that help a university founded on white privilege to justify its existence and behavior), as well as the creation of RespectNU, as a place to report incidents of (verb).

The actions of one impact us all, so in whatever fashion you choose to participate in (holiday) this year, let your celebration be fun, safe, and (adjective).  (Desperate use of hashtag to seem #cool.)

Here’s to a great Halloween-

Todd Adams

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