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A Play-by-Play Analysis of Virgin America’s New Safety Video (in GIFs, of course)

3 Nov

A few days ago Virgin America released the new safety video that they will show passengers before flights take off.

I would like to emphasize the fact that that this video was made by real, debatably sane people. This is real life. And it’s terrifying. Here are some GIFs from the video that show how truly, truly heinous this whole ordeal is.

Welcome to Virgin Airlines! SOMETIMES WE THROW RANDOM SHIT AT PEOPLE.

 AND BLIND THEM.

OR WE JUST THROW PEOPLE.

Annnd her Snapchat sext from Father Booth slowly times out. Dick move.

This is how the ride will begin. Every. Time.

It might seem like things are getting better…

It’s painfully awkward to recover from, but you deal.

AND THEN SHE CROTCH-PIROUETTES AND EVERYTHING IS HOPELESS.

 Try not to worry about the fact that there are five suited men wearing lifejackets and dancing in sync.

Heil Virgin??? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PLANE RIDE AND I’M JUST TRYING TO GET TO NAPLES.

ARE WE CONCERNED YET??? THERE ARE SPIDER PEOPLE SCURRYING DOWN THE AISLES.

 The nun is shimmying. Hope is fleeting. We’re all going to Hell.

But at least Hell would be an improvement from this.

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