College Student Posts Status in Support of Gay Marriage; Is True American Hero

6 Nov
Wilkinson's tireless actions, she hopes, will make the world better for "all my super hot gay friends."

Wilkinson’s tireless actions, she hopes, will make the world better for “all my really hot skinny male gay friends.”

EVANSTON, IL – Local student Jessica Wilkinson, who yesterday posted a Facebook status reading “GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL IN ILLINOIS!  Awesome day for this nation #GayRights”, is being hailed as the next great American civil rights visionary by peers and political pundits alike.

Wilkinson (Medill ’17), upon hearing the news yesterday of gay marriage being legalized in Illinois by a House vote while she was “just like Snapchatting some people,” was inspired to courageously craft the defiant statement for LGBTQ equality and then post it to Facebook, where it has received over 140 likes, with that number increasing by the hour.

“I don’t know, like, it’s just, like, a super important thing, you know?”  Wilkinson said in a statement, “like, I have a few guy friends who are gay, and are also like super cute unfortunately but whatevs, lol, and I knew that like, this was a big day for them, so like, I figured why not, you know?”

Friends of Jessica had only positive things to say about her, relating that her significant work towards ensuring the basic human right of marriage to all Americans, regardless of their sexual orientation, has been relentless and incredibly inspiring.

“Jessica is, like, such an awesome person,” commented friend and fellow gay rights activist Kristie Silverman, “she’s just like, always helping people and stuff, and she’s just really super cared about gay rights forever.  Like, ‘Same Love’ is like her anthem.”

“Yeah, I mean, she’s big into that shit,” commented current casual hookup Jason Worthington, “she really likes Will & Grace and RENT and Glee and all that shit.  Oh, and she also listens to Lady Gaga all the time.  She’s gay or something, right?”

The bold and incredibly well-worded Facebook status is beginning to attract national attention from notable homosexuals in American media as well.  MSNBC commentator Rachel Maddow has called Wilkinson “the next Rosa Parks”, and author Dan Savage, who Wilkinson said is her “favorite gay except for Matt Bomer,” said about Wilkinson, “she’s a saint.”

“I don’t know what the world would be like without Jessica,” continued Savage, “she is the guiding light for the American youth, leading them – and honestly, all of us – through the shadowy bog of uncertainty and bigotry.  Everyone should strive to embody the individualism that Jessica has shown through her inspirational words.”

For the status to follow her impassioned cry of gay triumph, Jessica shared a Buzzfeed article titled “15 Ways You Want Chocolate as Shown through Mean Girls gifs.”  So far, it has not received as many likes.

One Response to “College Student Posts Status in Support of Gay Marriage; Is True American Hero”

  1. blarby_darker November 7, 2013 at 4:00 am #

    not misogynistic in the slightest

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