71 Things That Make PTI’s Day

18 Nov

You know who she is: PTI is one of the most recognizable administrators on campus. But do you know what really makes her tick? Why she gets up in the morning? How she works up the energy to kick you off campus for sneezing in discussion section?

Classic rule-of-fifths photography
(via ufl.edu)

Sherman Ave does. Our recently concluded 8-month investigation into exactly what makes Dr. Patricia Telles-Irvin happy– complete with interviews with friends and family, well-placed secret cameras, and a revealing conversation with an alligator— has produced a never before seen look into just what it is that makes our vice president of student affairs’ day:

  1. Hangnails

  2. Unannounced midterms

  3. Smoke detectors going off because someone burnt the popcorn

  4. Iron deficiencies

  5. The utilities bill

  6. Candy Crush invites

  7. Comcast

  8. When the Frostbite Express has to run

  9. Caesar

  10. Not flushing

  11. Spirit Airlines

  12. Buffering

  13. Guest-Northwestern

  14. West Fairchild

  15. Ohio State

  16. Freaks and Geeks only having one season

  17. 2% battery

  18. Alarm clocks

  19. Group projects

  20. Black ice

  21. Pitbull

  22. Spotify ads

  23. Carlos Danger

  24. Sorority recruitment

  25. Michael Bay

  26. Working lunches

  27. Chewing with your mouth open

  28. .00005 proof Jell-O shots

  29. Toby Flenderson

  30. Listserv emails

  31. Fossil fuels

  32. Deuce karaoke

  33. Harlem Shake videos

  34. Jar Jar Binks

  35. Jon and Kate Plus 8

  36. Formal studies distribution requirements

  37. A centralized Plex mailroom

  38. The Jacksonville Jaguars

  39. Gingivitis

  40. Broken condoms

  41. The Tennessee legislature

  42. Derrick Rose’s hamstring

  43. Parliament Enterprises

  44. Patrice Wilson

  45. TA’s who don’t speak English

  46. Empty Srirachi bottles

  47. Heritage brand vodka

  48. The NSA

  49. Three hour lectures

  50. Lunt Hall

  51. Construction everywhere

  52. Richie Incognito

  53. Saran wrap that sticks to itself

  54. The Yellow Line

  55. Ventra

  56. John Wayne Gacy

  57. Phlegm

  58. Standing at the urinal next to someone when there’s a whole row open

  59. Water fountains that project water less than a centimeter

  60. Lax pinnies

  61. Crossing Sheridan Road

  62. ESPN’s coverage of Johnny Football

  63. Noise complaints

  64. Econometrics

  65. Rush hour traffic

  66. Classes that aren’t cancelled the Wednesday before Thanksgiving

  67. Tom Marvolo Riddle

  68. Getting a salad at Chipotle

  69. Only having an iPhone 4 charger when you have the 5

  70. Hitting reply all

  71. Stubbing your toe

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