Al Gore Blames Early Hanukkah on Global Warming

27 Nov

In a last ditch effort to maintain a distant trace of cultural relevance, former Vice President Al Gore has pointed to what is described as a “calendar oddity” as further proof of global climate change.

Gore, at his 2011 speech about the dangers of toasters

An early Hanukkah and a late Thanksgiving happen to overlap this year, causing the extremely rare “Hanukkiving,” “Thanksgivikkah” or “Handsky,” for short. The visibly disillusioned author of “An Inconvenient Truth” addressed this issue with the waiting room of an optometrist’s office while holding a glass jar labeled “Global Warming Donations” filled with hand-written IOU notes from Gore himself.

“If we don’t act quickly, we’ll have Christmas in July and Arbor Day in January and I’ll forget my wife’s birthday,” said Gore, as he paced barefoot back and forth in the waiting room. Gore proceeded to sit down cross-legged in front of an empty chair and rub his hands together like any insane person would.

Before anyone had the chance to explain to Gore that global warming has no impact on the timing of the holiday seasons, the former Democratic nominee for President had to be escorted out of a half-empty waiting room by security. Gore has been legally prohibited from speaking to any media following a recent incident in which Gore broke free from a police station hollering, “I’m fighting the good fight!”

While Gore has delusionally expressed concern about the event, many have reacted with less trepidation about the two holidays sharing a date.

“Oh, that’s cool,” responded most people.

At press time, Al Gore still had no fucking clue what he was talking about.

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