I’ve Decided To Stop Drinking
by Kevin Greenberg
I think I’ve reached my limit. It’s been a fun ride but it’s time the rubber hits the road and I curb my drinking. I know I’m going to miss going downtown on Saturdays and hanging with Greg on Thirsty Thursdays, but I just don’t have time for that kind of stuff anymore. I’m finishing up my senior year and I know it’s time to buckle down to make sure I’m ready to graduate and get a job.
The years really have flown by. One night you go to bed at 5 a.m., a freshman with nothing to lose, and the next morning you wake up at 8 a.m., a senior about to step into the real world. It really hits you hard.
You know what though? I think this is going to be good for me. I’ve wasted too many nights drunk and lost too many good memories to blackouts. I could’ve written a book, or gone to more shows in the city, or just spent more time reading. But no, I was out getting hammered four nights a week. I really don’t know what I was thinking back then. Nothing, that’s what. I wasn’t thinking of a single thing – but it’s about time I start thinking.
This is the start of a new me. I’m going to be more responsible, more intelligent, and more clever than I’ve ever been before. Now that I’m going to be in control of myself, there’s no telling what I’m going to be able to do.
Everybody at Jim’s party this Saturday better watch out – there’s a new-and-improved Kevin on the way.
WHO WANTS TO DO SHOTS?!?
by Kevin Greenberg
Pft. PFT. PFFFFFFFFFT! I m not evin close to my limit! It’s only been, what, like, I don’t know, tenteen drinks? This prty train ain’t stoppin’ now, ain’t stopping ever. Tomrrow were goin’ down town and we’re gonna keep this going! Put your seatbels on cuz it’s going to be a bumpy ride. I’m never leaving this place. College 4ever! WOOOOOOOOOO!
I member back being a lightweight freshman. HA! Couldn’t do this back then! You know what? I’m gettin’ up tomorrow – and we’re doing morning mohitos! Nvr 2 early 2 start the party WOOOOO!
I never feld this god in a while! Like, this is good me! This is best me! These r the best times Im evr gonna have! What? What?!? The Goldman’s interview?! lol. Don’t make m lauf! Not worried bout that! What next? U gonna say I should rite a bok? What am I Tom Seuss? Im not gonna paint your green eggs and ham for u!
U no wut? Im fellin so gud, Ima tel a joke! Who’s got 2 thumbs and noes how 2 hav a gud tim? It’s..m…..is….is me! Im a good time! Ha! Yeah!
I cnt wate 2 here about how colll I waz at th jfskddddddddddddav aaaavhbrnvs v kdvsvsf