“HEY GUYS WHO WANTS A SLICE OF THIS DICK PIE” – Chicago O’Hare International Aiport
1. “Maybe this delay won’t be so bad. Maybe it’s a chance to kick back and relax for a while.”
2. “Are those payphones over there? Who the hell still uses those?”
3. “Anyone who wears a Hollister shirt and Hollister sweatpants at the same time should stop existing immediately.”
4. “Wait, is that my flight that’s boarding?”
5. “HAHAHA NOPE MY FLIGHT DOESN’T BOARD FOR 3 MORE HOURS.”
6. “Kill me.”
7. “This is no longer a relaxing experience.”
8. “This is a stressful experience.”
9. “That might have been the sexiest pat-down I’ve ever received.”
10. “Shit, I could really use a Jamba Juice right about now…”
11. “Why is there no Jamba Juice in my terminal?”
12. “WHY IS THERE NO JAMBA JUICE IN MY TERMINAL?”
13. “Thanks Obama.”
14. “If this asswipe sitting next to me starts jamming out to his music again, I’m going to punch him right in his stupid ugly face.”
15. “Did that guy just order a layered drink at an airport bar?”
16. “Anybody who brings a crying baby on an airplane should have to pay for everyone’s ticket.”
17. “This is shitty. Everything is shitty.”
18. “Ugh I forgot to put on deodorant and everyone’s gonna know.”
19. “If a woman just said ‘queue’ instead of ‘line,’ is me crane kicking her in the vagina justified?”
20. “How long can I leave my bags unattended for without security calling in a bomb squad? Like, can I go over to the trash to throw out my Twix® wrapper?”
21. “WHY DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR INTERNET??? WHYYYYYY???”
22. “Fuck you Boingo Hotspot.”
23. “You know what would make airports better? Just about anything.”
24. “Ok kid, we get it. You’re playing Candy Crush. You can turn your volume off now.”
25. “Holy crap the people sitting next to me literally just went to second base.”
26. “Hmm…what’s the weather like in [insert destination]?”
27. “HOLY FUCK THAT’S COLD.”
28. “Can I just go home?”
This article was written in Newark Liberty International Airport while waiting for a delayed flight.
Sherman Ave 
Oh. My God. I nearly choked I laughed so hard. Awesome.