SPLOOSH.
Winter Quarter is upon us, fellow Wildcats, and with the temperature alternating daily between “Cold enough to cause penises everywhere to recede into body cavities” and “33 degrees,” odds are your roommates are gonna be spending a lot of time in the room. You know?
But regardless, you’re gonna need a place to do your business. I get that. Luckily for you, old Uncle Samwise has been around the block a few times and knows EXACTLY what you’re looking for. With these handy tips (lol handy tips) about where to beat it, you’ll be warming up campus with your hot semen until May!
Tech Library
A no-brainer, honestly. They allow you to rent whole ROOMS to have to yourself for up to three hours. Yeah granted, the walls are made of glass and everyone can see exactly what you’re doing, but what are the engineers REALLY gonna do? It’s probably the hottest thing they’ve seen in their entire lives.
Your Roommate’s Bed
“Dude what do you want, I’m trying to watch House of Cards. Seriously this isn’t funny man WAIT WHAT THE FUCK STOP DUDE GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.”
Two-Hundred Person Lecture Hall
So anonymous, so private. C’mon, who would even know it was you?
Discussion Section
You know which one. With the hot TA you’ve been trying to hit on all quarter except you haven’t been trying to hit on her at all because you’re a pussy? That’s the one! Just wait until she’s deep into a discussion about the nanostructure of organic polymers, lock eyes with her and whip it out. Works every time, TRUST me.
Sargent Hall
This one admittedly might be a little more personal. Something about the smell of orange peel and vomit just gets me off.
The CTA Red Line
I mean, everyone else does it. Why can’t you? Just pick the right car, hop on and get off! If ya know what I mean hahahahahaha.
New Reference
The sign at the entrance says it’s now a “collaborative zone for quiet study groups,” so for this one I believe you’ll need to bring a friend. I’m not totally sure about that yet, I’m still waiting on an email back from the Dean of Libraries.
Sherman Ave 
might as well be named “Spankwise to-that-Donkenstein”!!!! ^.^
Black ladies are really exotic and, they are a very different breed of
females. There are many stereotypes connected with black girls and, you will
find the girls extremely exciting. Black women have a dark
skin and, they are known for their nature of being aggressive.
It is very fascinating how black ladies tend to stimulate curiosity and
dispute. The girls can be found in all parts of the world and, the most popular black girls are African
Americans. African females are known to be really calm and modest.
It typically becomes very challenging to tell the
females apart physically because they have similar functions.
African American girls are children of previous slaves who were generated from Africa, years ago.
They have a long history of struggle and final victory.
The black community in America has needed to battle lots of battles simply to
be heard.
How does this article not mention the SPAC showers?