Luv Conquers @ll: The AIM Parlance between Two Star-Crossed 12-Year-Old Lovebirds

With Valentine’s Day approaching, instead of posting a “103 Reasons Why Being Single Is Awesome Justifications for Being Single and Hating Yourself” article, we thought we could revisit our flirtatious internet 6th grade selves on Valentine’s Day. What fun. Our archivists here at the Ave had to dig all the way past our now nonexistent dignity to The Awkward Ages, but we found the records. We found them, and after much deliberation we have determined that they must be published completely uncensored for the sake of journalistic integrity. Luckily, we also have documentation of BruneteBarbie14’s reactions to certain messages from s0cc3r_d00d.

s0cc3r_d00d: hey

Oh. My. God. He said hey. He’s so cute when he IMs me hey. What do I say? Be cool, be cool.

BruneteBarbie14: hey

s0cc3r_d00d: wats up

BruneteBarbie14: nm u

s0cc3r_d00d: nm

BruneteBarbie14: cool

s0cc3r_d00d: yep

BruneteBarbie14: 🙂

s0cc3r_d00d: 🙂

BruneteBarbie14: so lol this is so random but like who do u like?????

Please be me please be me

s0cc3r_d00d: i dnt wanna say lol haha

BruneteBarbie14: omggg come on i wont tell her i just wanna no!!

s0cc3r_d00d: ummm

BruneteBarbie14: ok fine fine u dont have 2 tell me who haha

BruneteBarbie14: but like wats she like???? lol

s0cc3r_d00d: wellll she has brown hair

OMG OMG I have brown hair it’s totally me!!

s0cc3r_d00d: and rlly pretty brown eyes i culd stare n2 them all day lol

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I HAVE BROWN EYES TOOOOOO!!

BruneteBarbie14: awwwwwwwww ur so sweet omg this gurl is SO luckyyyy

s0cc3r_d00d: ya lol and she likes sportz 2

Omg I like sports does he know that maybe I should bring it up? I’ll make it subtle though.

BruneteBarbie14: she seems so perf 4 u hey also btw did u watch the super bowl lol?

Killed it.

s0cc3r_d00d: ya it was good

BruneteBarbie14: yeah me 2 i watched it w my dad it was so good i luv football lol

s0cc3r_d00d: yep

BruneteBarbie14: ok w8 sry back 2 who u like

s0cc3r_d00d: wat else do u wanna no

BruneteBarbie14: ummm does she go 2 our skool?

s0cc3r_d00d: ya

Ugh it’s TOTALLY me. I should ask him a question that will reveal if it’s me for sure.

BruneteBarbie14: wats her fave color?

please say pink please say pink please say pink

s0cc3r_d00d: um idk

Oh no. Maybe it’s not me. Maybe he hates me. Maybe it’s that slut Allie. Fuck Allie. I bet she didn’t even watch the Superbowl.

s0cc3r_d00d: i think its pink but idk

HE LOVES ME HE LOVES ME OUR CHILDREN WILL BE NAMED EUSTACE AND NEVAL

BruneteBarbie14: oh lol cool can i like guess who it is??

s0cc3r_d00d: ya but ur never gonna guess it rite

BruneteBarbie14: hmmm is it allie?

s0cc3r_d00d: no 🙂

Damn right it’s not, that bitch.

BruneteBarbie14: ummmm is it Mia? Juliana? Megan? Tori?

s0cc3r_d00d: lol nope ur never gonna guess

BruneteBarbie14: omg but i guessed literally every1!!!!!

No I didn’t. Ha. I’m so sly.

s0cc3r_d00d: not every1 🙂 🙂

BruneteBarbie14: ok this is like def not her but is it me? hahaha lol

s0cc3r_d00d: ya i rlly like u a lot

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE IS SO CUTE AND PERFECT I LOVE THE WAY HE ABBREVIATES “REALLY” HOW CHARMING

BruneteBarbie14: omg u r 2 sweet! i like u 2!!!!

s0cc3r_d00d: can i ask u sumthin?

BruneteBarbie14: sure 🙂

s0cc3r_d00d: will u b my valentine?

BruneteBarbie14: YES!! ❤ 🙂

I need to update my away status immediately and show everyone on my buddy list that I have a Valentine.

BruneteBarbie14 is away:

*~*~ && they say u can’t find the perfect Valentine. I am so lucky. ❤ you s0cc3r_d00d ~*~*