So you’re out at a party or a bar or hovering by the bar at a party, and suddenly a Calvin Harris song comes on and you feel some guy’s pelvis approach your ass and realize that you are being “danced” upon. Then comes there part where you must make a decision.
-Should I casually take a few steps forward like I didn’t notice the sudden proximity of his dick to my ass crack?
-Should I let him make out with me and get a free drink out of it? Maybe I’ll feel less guilty if I give him an OTPHJ. I can just say I was black out and don’t remember that.
-Should I take him home with me? I haven’t cleaned my room in a while, but maybe he’s too drunk to notice. My roommates might judge me though. Maybe we should go back to his place. Oh wait doesn’t he live with that one guy that I hooked up with a few times freshman year and then never talked to again? That might be awkward.
-He’s three years younger than me, he’s like a newborn. But I haven’t gotten laid in like 6 months and I could use his penis. Who knows if he knows how to use his penis?
As females on the single scene, we have only a few moments to wade out the creeps from the semi-normal guys, the sexually competent from the prudes, the sugar daddies from the freeloaders, and it all starts with a little grinding or a barf-inducing pick up line. Sometimes it’s hard to make these really important decisions on the spot. So here’s a flowchart to help you out next time.
(Flowchart designed by our very own talented Lady Keystone–and hey, she included a PDF version too! Should You Hook Up With Him?)
And for all those wondering about the Seth Mosakowski reference…