20 Things Northwestern Could Do with $10,000

5 Mar
(via nusports.com)

(via nusports.com)

Northwestern University recently sent out an email with the five ideas proposed for the ASG 10K initiative, a program that gives the student body an opportunity to invest $10,000 to improve life around campus. However, I, the esteemed Reverend Turlington, frankly don’t like any of the ideas very much at all. $10,000 on Christmas lights? Come on. Here are 20 better things NU could do with $10,000:

  1. Offer live entertainment in the dining halls
  2. Construct a statue of Frances Willard
  3. Found a campus newspaper to compete with the Daily Northwestern to drive down the Daily’s outrageous prices
  4. Purchase thousands of condoms to be thrown in a random professor’s yard
  5. Place giant 24k gold letters that spell out “YOLOSWAG” on top of Tech
  6. Get a Rolex to be shared amongst all 8,000 undergrads
  7. Obtain exclusive rights to the song “Shape of My Heart” by Sting
  8. Buy 40,000 gumballs
  9. Bring Northwestern into the 19th century by installing cotton gins in major buildings
  10. Put more pool tables in the Norris game room
  11. Pay off the homeless people outside CVS
  12. Purchase an Amana® 1.0 Cubic Foot 2200 Watt Keypad Deluxe Commercial Microwave
  13. Start a collegiate chapter of “Young Money Cash Money Billionaires”
  14. Fund my mission trip to Greenland to help build homes for impoverished Greenlanders
  15. Put 10,000 $1 bills into a giant tub, then allow students to dive into it like Scrooge McDuck once a week
  16. Install a campus cigar shoppe
  17. Replace all the Scott brand toilet paper on campus with a sturdier, 20-ply toilet paper
  18. Put the $10,000 into a checking account, write 20,000 50¢ checks, go to a strip club, and make it rain 50¢ checks on the strippers
  19. Pay for 1/24 of 1 student’s cost of going to Northwestern
  20. Purchase advertising space on sherman-ave.com

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