50 Column Headlines You Wouldn’t be Surprised to See in The Daily

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  (via Twitter)

  Johnson: Cars Have Wheels

• Johnson: Radiators Helpful In Winter

• Johnson: Rolly Chairs More Mobile Than Normal Chairs

• Johnson: Staplers More Useful With Staples Than Without

• Johnson: TV Good Way To Watch Moving Pictures

• Johnson: Losing Keys Creates Problems

• Johnson: Jaywalking Can Occasionally Be Dangerous

• Johnson: Russia Might Be The Largest Country In The World

• Johnson: It’s Warmer When The Sun Is Out

• Johnson: Lake Michigan Probably Larger Than Lagoon On Campus

• Johnson: For Theater Majors, South Campus Is The Place To Live

• Johnson: T-Mobile Maybe Not The Best Service Provider

• Johnson: Diet and Exercise The Key To Losing Weight

• Johnson: Eating Out Can Be More Expensive

• Johnson: Can Candy Crush Saga Teach Us Something About The Financial Crisis Of 2008?

• Johnson: Start Your Papers Well Before They’re Due

• Johnson: When It’s Cold Out, Take The Shuttles

• Johnson: Many Students Participate In Dance Marathon

• Johnson: Stubbing Your Toe Can Really Hurt

• Johnson: Let’s Start A Conversation!

• Johnson: Support Your Fellow Students

• Johnson: The Civil War Happened From 1861 to 1865

• Johnson: Hitler Was Not A Good Guy

• Johnson: The Syrian Civil War Needs A Solution

• Johnson: Yogurt Is Part Of A Healthy Breakfast

• Johnson: Sharing Netflix Passwords Is Cheating

• Johnson: I Have A Lot Of Homework

• Johnson: Jacksonville Jaguars Not A Good Football Team

• Johnson: Alexander Graham Bell Invented The Telephone

• Johnson: Drinking Alcohol Has Short-Term Consequences

• Johnson: Beyonce Can Both Sing And Dance

• Johnson: Seven Is A Prime Number

• Johnson: In Snowy Weather, Boots Are Preferable To Sandals

• Johnson: Israel, Palestine Should Reach Peaceful Agreement

• Johnson: Study Abroad Offers Great Opportunity To Study In Another Country

• Johnson: Death Penalty Potentially Lethal To Death Row Prisoners

• Johnson: Abortion Is A Controversial Topic

• Johnson: Remember To Fill Out CTECs

• Johnson: Tech Is A Big Building

• Johnson: Often, Seniors Are Older Than Freshmen

• Johnson: Maps Are A Helpful Way To Get To Places

• Johnson: Make Sure To Read Terms And Conditions

• Johnson: When Was The Last Time You Cleaned Your Room?

• Johnson: Laptops In Class Can Be Distracting

• Johnson: Unprotected Sex Not The Safest Choice

• Johnson: Commercials Often Just Want You To Buy A Product

• Johnson: More Expensive Things Tend To Be Nicer, More Durable

• Johnson: Go Wildcats!!!

• Johnson: People With Chodes Shouldn’t Be Made Fun Of, Not Like I Have One Or Anything Though

• Johnson: Things Exist

– Ross Packingham, Sir Edward Twattingworth III, and Prince Giblets