Spring Quarter Resolutions

31 Mar
This Northwestern student had completely forgotten that grass wasn't a myth.

This Northwestern student legitimately thought that grass was a myth created by the administration. (via mindbodygreen.com)

Winter Quarter makes you a bad person. There’s no way to fight it. It will inevitably bring out literally every single shitty aspect of yourself that you so desperately try to cover with layers of puffy clothing. So you bury yourself in your unwashed linens and stuff your face with the old chocolates you once found solace in for flunking that midterm a few weeks ago. But the frozen hell is almost over, and it’s time to emerge from your pathetic hibernation. We want to help you resolve to be a better person this spring because god knows we’ll still be terrible year round at the Ave.

Resolution #1: Do Things

Just, like, leave your room. Turn on the lights, log off of Netflix, and get the fuck out of bed. Go like ride your bike, or lay out by the lake fill, or just talk to a real life human…you don’t even have to be nice. We’re not asking you to pretend that you’re an active member of a club or even a pleasant person. Literally just walk outside. Be a real person again god damn it.

Resolution #2: Don’t Be a Shitty Student Just Fucking Go to Class

Okay, we get it. Waking up and leaving your warm cozy bed to walk across campus in subzero temperatures for that 9 a.m. chemistry discussion or whatever the hell was pretty tough. But now there’s no excuse. We’re not even asking you to do well. Just like go to class. You can sit there and read sherman-ave.com the whole time. Just be a real person again god damn it.

Resolution #3: Interact, Socially

Your out-of-room communication this past quarter has exclusively consisted of the grunt of acknowledgement, the Facebook stalk, and the dirty look on Sheridan. It’s time to actually use your words. Grab lunch with that friend you haven’t seen since November, get dorm drunk with the people down the hall, or just like, FaceTime your mom. She probably doesn’t even know you’re alive. Just socialize with someone who isn’t Walter White. Be a real person again god damn it.

Resolution #4: Be Happy

Winter quarter sucks and life sucks and the snow sucks and people suck and everything sucks. But now it’s warm(ish) and there’s grass (kinda) and things are looking up! Stop being so cynical because it’s time to be happy again. Perk up, look alive, and be a real person again. God. Damnit.

Do you love spring?  Do you hate spring?  Either way you should apply to write for Sherman Ave!

One Response to “Spring Quarter Resolutions”

  1. komarovstyle April 1, 2014 at 12:09 am #

    Great post……….

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