Either I’m really bad at taking notes or these exams are vastly more complicated than what we’re taught in lecture.
Statistics
Lecture: 1+2 =3
Exam: Solve for cancer
Art
Lecture: Humans have created wondrous art throughout the ages
Exam: How does this ceramic vagina make you feel?
Econ
Lecture: Mark Witte talks about guns and butter
Exam: Now fix Europe
Film
Lecture: Great movies tug at the heartstring and leave us identifying with the characters
Exam: Write an alternate ending to Spring Breakers
Gender Studies
Lecture: We’re going to cover intimate details on 19th century sexualities in Paris
Exam: Why are you still single
Journalism
Lecture: You need to need to spend an hour reading about Afghanistan’s elections if you want to do well on these current events quizzes
Exam: Who won the Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album last night
International Relations
Lecture: ‘MURRICA
Exam: Write as fast as you can for the next 200 minutes and make sure to drop in words like “hegemony”
Advanced Psychology
Lecture: Freud is wrong and you are not qualified to psychoanalyze anyone
Exam: You will question your own sanity and try to diagnose everyone you know
English
Lecture: Everything is either a Christ figure or a phallus
Exam: Now tell me the name of a character who briefly appeared in one scene
Philosophy
Lecture: Things are things, is there a God? The answer is what you want it to be
Exam: You have 50 minutes to write an essay on the meaning of life
Intro to Psychology
Lecture: Penis
Exam: Describe how the fabric of interconnecting cells that blankets the brain hemispheres interacts with the amygdala to produce emotional responses
Geography
Lecture: Here’s where South Carolina is.
Exam: Draw a to-scale map of the Canadian maritime provinces
Teaching Education
Lecture: Children are the future
Exam: Leave school for a quarter and question your own future
–Lady Keystone, Charlotte Clunt, Felicity Jenkins, Clint Taurus
No Science? Disappointed.