Facebook Chat Complements ‘Seen’ Feature With a ‘Seen the Seen’ Feature

22 Apr

In addition to letting the sender see that the receiver has seen their message, Facebook has released a “Seen the Seen” feature to tell the receiver that the sender has seen that they saw it. Or wait, no, the sender sees that the receiver saw that the sender saw…no, the receiver sees that the sender knows—wait, shit. You know how it says “Seen” when the receiver opens the message? Now the person that opens the message will know you saw them open it, and with that knowledge still chose not to respond.

This allows the receiver to truly appreciate that he or she has successfully severed the unborn relationship the sender attempted to create. The ever-popular “Seen” feature allows people to understand how long a response to “What’s up?” can take. It identifies who is lying when they say, “Oh, I didn’t see that.” And, most importantly, it reveals just how little that cute girl in your Spanish class wants to talk to you. But now you KNOW they saw it, thus marking the death of the awkwardly inexplicable “Maybe their Internet isn’t working,” excuse.

This new feature is reshaping Internet culture. Now, when a user clicks an unwanted message, the “Seen” feature lets sender down easy, while the “Seen the Seen” feature will confirm the irreversible damage. Although the feature is still in Beta, Facebook has confirmed that after a “Seen-Seen” incident the interacting agents will never be able to look each other in the eye again. This fatal reaction is anticipated to be the silent stake in what little hope people hold when using the Internet to converse with people way out of their league.

Facebook continues to find innovative ways to make the beloved cyber platform as discouraging as possible. This includes precise advertising to show you products you want, but wish you didn’t. An intrusive list of “friends” you should add, but deep down feel weird adding because you are not that close. And of course, they have an elite team of NASA coders that won’t sleep until they display every one of your friends that is having the best fucking time of their life, all the time, and consequently enjoying their life more than you. And don’t tell yourself you’ll be more successful, you damn well saw how many likes they got.

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