Letter to the editor, from the editors

Please reference Vitamin C for additional ambiance:

Sometimes you start a blog your freshman year just for the hell of it. And sometimes, if you’re lucky, that blog grows in to one of the most important facets of your life, picking up over 50 additional writers along the way and garnering thousands of readers who, for some godforsaken reason, seem to enjoy our heinous publication.

Three years ago, I started Sherman Ave with the idea of making a site devoted to the culture of Evanston and Chicago. Peter Stein and Sir Edward Twattingworth III came along not much later, and took things to a whole new level. The next year brought a new generation of Aviators, including Chandler Dutton, who immediately became one of the site’s most important writers, editors, and leaders.

7 Observations From Being Home For Break From Northwestern

Bonus observation: The lakefill looks like a man pooping on the library.

Nothing brings clarity to a Northwestern student quite like being home for the holidays with a refrigerator full of your parents finest beer. Here are the observations of one Wildcat on life on the outside.

1. Nobody will compliment you on how good you look ever again*

Maybe you’re like me and were in peak physical condition sophomore year of high school. Maybe you’re also like me and your body stopped changing for the better by the time Wildcat Welcome Week rolled around. Or maybe you’re like me and just not that good looking to begin with. Either way, you can kiss those “oh my god you look so great!”s and “wow, bro, you lift?”s and “hey, so the thing is, I never would have broken up with you outside of Six Flags Great America’s Raging Bull if you looked like that”s goodbye. Your physique has started what promises to be a decades-long decline, and all that you have to look forward to is people poking your love handles and observing how fat you’re getting. But hey, making donuts with your belly is pretty fun, right?

2012 Sherman Ave Readers’ Poll: Results

If there’s one thing Sherman Ave prides itself on, it’s follow through. That, and our stunning mastery of the entire AP U.S. History Flashcard set. So, in the hopes of amping you up to take the 2013 Sherman Ave Readers’ Poll, here are the results of last year’s 2012 Sherman Ave Readers’ Poll. Enjoy the blast from the heinous past.

Most Heinous Event of 2012

With 18% of the vote, the winner was: Evanston revoking the Keg’s liquor license. The Keg may not have survived the wrath of Tizzy, but it did manage to eke out a one-vote victory over the advent of #YOLO, followed closely by the I Agree With Markwell campaign and the notorious Vandy seal clubbing scandal. Rest in peace, old friend. We swear to hold you forever in our memory by linking to this every goddamn opportunity we get.

The Hollow Pastiche of Beyoncé’s Genius: A Reviéw

The songs on Beyoncé’s fifth studio album, BEYONCÉ, are fine. They’re good songs that sound like the music Beyoncé makes, which is what people like to listen to. The music on the album is whatever and absolutely besides the point because OH MY GOD BEY JUST BROUGHT THE INTERNET TO A GRINDING HALT. Beyoncé unexpectedly dropping a 14-song album and the 17 corresponding music videos plus credits exclusively on iTunes—and the ensuing collective Internet swoon—makes Beyoncé pop culture’s truest celebrity and genius. But the mega-stardom and brilliance of Beyoncé and her album succeeds either because of, or in spite of her “visual album” presenting a form of pastiche as devoid of substantive value as Upworthy, and not even half as inspired.

Championship Round | Sherman Ave Presents: Best Winter Quarter Distros 2014

After four grueling rounds, here we are. It’s been a long and hard road for Modern Cosmology and Psych Stats, who both faced a process more strenuous and harrowing than registering for classes on CAESAR to reach the Championship Round in the first annual Best Winter Quarter Distro Bracket Challenge, sponsored by Klondike®! 32 courses entered, but only one can be crowned as the best embodiment of all the qualities that should comprise a distro: Easy, interesting, and compatible with the side-effects of early-onset collegiate alcoholism and/or nihilism.

#GetFuckedAnOhioStateUniversity

Hope OSU isn’t too turned off by NU’s “Two QBs, One Cup” routine

Dear Ohio State,

As you may have noticed, we’re getting pretty excited for An Ohio State University to come to town and play under the lights on national television. Our students may even take a break from studying for their midterms to tailgate on Saturday, although that may be just to pick out which of your visiting fans would make excellent employees for us to lay off once we’re hired after graduation.

Apparently a massive event, referred to only as “Gameday,” is coming to town, bringing a festive experience where Lee Corso attempts to escape the chilling existential dread of his impending death with a seemingly boundless supply of iconoclasm and viagra while Herbie mournfully stares off into the distance, reminiscing about his lost love Erin Andrews and trying to remember how to string two sentences together.

Sherman Ave Homecoming Voter Guide: Ryan Bernsten

In June, Sherman Ave sat down with each of the 2013 Homecoming Court nominees for wide-ranging discussions. If any cultural references seem slightly out of date, that’s because that was June and this is September and that’s how time works. Voting for Homecoming King and Queen begins soon!

Ross Packingham: Can you tell me how to spell your last name?

Ryan Bernsten: Uh, B-E-R-N-S-T-E-N

Packingham: And your mother’s maiden name?

Ryan: Packard? P-A-C-K-A-R-D

Packingham: You’re a theater major, that’s correct?

Ryan: I am, that’s correct. You want me to tell all of my majors?

Sherman Ave Homecoming Court Voter Guide: Savannah Enders

In June, Sherman Ave sat down with each of the 2013 Homecoming Court nominees for wide-ranging discussions. If any cultural references seem slightly out of date, that’s because that was June and this is September and that’s how time works. Voting for Homecoming King and Queen begins soon!

Evander Jones: Some people say that Homecoming Court is a popularity contest that doesn’t accurately reflect the Northwestern community. I don’t have a question here, I just wanted to inform you that there’s dissent among your potential subjects. Would you rule the Homecoming Court like Chief Justice Roberts on the Supreme Court, or LeBron James on the hardwood court?

Savannah Enders: I’ll say

Sherman Ave Homecoming Court Voter Guide: Gaurav Kikani

Sherman Ave sat down with each of the 2013 Homecoming Court nominees for wide-ranging discussions in order to better prepare NU students for the most important election of the next 15 days. Voting for Homecoming King and Queen begins soon!

Evander Jones: Just to start things off with, some people say that Homecoming Court is a meaningless popularity contest that doesn’t accurately reflect the student body. I don’t have a question here, I just wanted to inform you that there may be dissent among your potential subjects.

Gaurav Kikani: Sure, thanks. I really appreciate that.

Evander: Now that we got that out of the way, if you were elected would you rule the Homecoming Court like John Roberts on the Supreme Court, or LeBron James on the Homecoming Court? 

Gaurav: I’d probably be Roberts on the Supreme Court. You know, LeBron is kind of a beast, but he’s a bit of a diva, and I don’t see myself as much of a diva as he is.

Evander: Who would you say has had the biggest influence on your life in the past 14 minutes?

Gaurav: You.

Evander: I’m so sorry. 

Gaurav: You know, absolutely. The warmth of your body right now on this crisp Fall day is really warming me up. I can take off this jacket right now, actually, if you’d like. We need more of you around.

Sherman Ave Homecoming Court Voter Guide: Will Ritter

In June, Sherman Ave sat down with each of the 2013 Homecoming Court nominees for wide-ranging discussions. If any cultural references seem slightly out of date, that’s because that was June and this is September and that’s how time works. Voting for Homecoming King and Queen begins soon!

Evander Jones: Some people say that Homecoming Court is a popularity contest that doesn’t properly reflect the Northwestern community. I don’t have a question here, I just wanted to inform you that there is dissent among your potential subjects. So, herpes or chlamydia? Choose wisely.

Will Ritter: Herpes.

Evander: Why?

Will: It has its ups and its down.

Evander: I like that. Your answer, not herpes. Who would you say has had the biggest influence on your life in the past 14 minutes?

Will: You.

Evander: Thank you. Would you rather rule the Homecoming Court like Roberts on the Supreme Court or LeBron James on the basketball court? 

Will: Probably like LeBron.