Archive | Advice RSS feed for this section

How to Deal with Your Family This Holiday Season

16 Dec

With winter break upon us, many of us will be back at home spending time with our families. To some of us, this sounds like a great chance to reunite with the people you love the most. However, to many of us, this is a nightmarish scenario that you have dreaded since you left for school. Have no worries, we here at Sherman Ave are ready to guide you through interactions with every family member this holiday season (And by “holiday season,” I really mean Christmas, because Hanukkah is over and there has yet to be sufficient proof that Kwanzaa exists).

Ugh. These assholes.

Dad

What to expect: You know he’s going to be an asshole from the get go. He will be asking questions about your grades before he says hello. That’s just his style. The trick here is not giving away that you regularly sleep until 1 pm and don’t go to most of your classes. If you keep the jig up, he might just keep paying for tuition.

Make sure to say: “It’s like a common Northwestern practice to drop two classes.”

Mom Continue reading

An Open Letter to the Northwestern Class of 2018

13 Dec

AHHHHHHYEAAAAAAYYYYY YOU’RE GOING TO NERDWESTERN NORTHWESTERN NORTHWASTED !!!!!

Congratulations. Sincerely. You took 7 or 8 AP exams and scored somewhere 33+ on your ACT* You wrestled away your school’s student presidency from that fucking bitch Katie Taylor and you sacrificed a healthy sleep schedule for that batch of A pluses.

And now,

It’s all paid off.

Continue reading

An Open Letter to the Main Library Facilities Management

10 Dec

Hey guys,

Let me start out by saying that I know y’all have a tough job. I get it, homies. Main Library is a large, confusing building and also one of the ugliest things ever conceived by the human mind. And, as far as I can tell, the facilities management staff has zero employees. So I understand that you have kind of a tall mountain to climb in your quest to, you know, do your job.University_Library,_Northwestern_University

But Jesus CHRIST guys. I don’t know that I’ve been witness to so much rampant incompetence and obvious lack of hustle since I saw JerShon Cobb wearing a “Lazy but Talented” shirt in Plex dining hall[1]. And I think maybe we need to talk about it. Continue reading

Translating the Things NU Kids Say Around Finals

10 Dec

“I completely failed that final”: I’d estimate that I got an 82% on that final.

“I honestly haven’t even started studying”: Besides these notes I took, all the lectures I attended and readings I did, and this handy little study guide I drafted up.

“We get a one-page cheat sheet, but I don’t think it’ll really help”: I will put the entirety of human knowledge on that sheet in size .25 font. Continue reading

How To Fail Your Finals Gracefully: An Urgent Letter From Your Exceptionally Well-Prepared Classmates

9 Dec

Hey there. Hi. Yes, you.

You, the person we’ve never seen in this class before. You, the one who tried to cram 7 equations and 168 pages the night before (160 pages because you skipped the real-world example blurbs). Let us introduce ourselves.

We are the members of the class that make up that 100-level distro you thought would be easy but woops you forgot at Northwestern every class is weed-out.  You may not know this but we hang out a lot. Where ,you may ask? Only every single one of the professor’s office hour session, and we haven’t seen you at a single one. In fact, we can’t even remember seeing you at one of the professor’s intimate home-cooked dinner parties either.

Continue reading

Understanding and Combating S.A.D.

9 Dec
Know the signs.

Know the signs.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), commonly called ‘Winter Blues’, is a type of depression which most commonly manifests itself during the fall and winter months. Understanding the causes and signs of SAD is important to avoiding falling into depression during the cold winter months ahead.

Continue reading

An Open Letter to That Girl in the Next Stall Clearly Trying to Poop

8 Dec

Dear Anonymous Female Bathroom Stall Neighbor,

Please, drop the act. I know what you’re doing. I know why you’re here.

You’re not researching the sturdiness of public toilets. You’re not admiring the stall graffiti and wondering why someone thought to bring a pen in there with them. This is a bathroom, and you are here because you need to take a dump.

Continue reading

20 Great Ways to Ruin Thanksgiving for Everyone

27 Nov

Sherman Ave writers are thankful for the bad people in the world who are reading Sherman Ave on Thanksgiving. Here are some things you can do to make us proud. Continue reading

5 Reasons to Date A Misogynistic Prick

25 Nov

Jean+Claude+Van+Damme+jcvdMen sure have it rough. From making more money than women to not having to worry about living things crawling out of them, a man’s life is full of worry. So much so, in fact, that we’re seeing the emergence of a “men’s rights” movement.

This movement has reached its apex with the website bearing the moniker “Return of Kings.” According to their tagline, they are for “masculine men,” which I guess means that people like Jean Claude Van Damme and David Hasselhoff are regular readers of articles like “20 Things Women Do That Should be Shamed, Not Celebrated,” which highlights shameful actions like “single motherhood” and “being a foodie,” or the one that has really wadded some panties on my Facebook timeline, “5 Reasons To Date A Girl With An Eating Disorder.”

Continue reading

Formals: What You Wear And What It Says About You

21 Nov

Formal season is in full swing and it can be stressful to decide what to wear.  The Ave has generously gone through all the outfit options men and women have to let you know what they will say about you.

(Via virtualdj.com, whatever the hell that is)

Women-Tight dress:  This one is risky.  Sometimes it feels good to wear a dress that hugs you, but you do run the risk of communicating that you’re too promiscuous.   Continue reading