2012 Sherman Ave Readers’ Poll: Results

If there’s one thing Sherman Ave prides itself on, it’s follow through. That, and our stunning mastery of the entire AP U.S. History Flashcard set. So, in the hopes of amping you up to take the 2013 Sherman Ave Readers’ Poll, here are the results of last year’s 2012 Sherman Ave Readers’ Poll. Enjoy the blast from the heinous past.

Most Heinous Event of 2012

With 18% of the vote, the winner was: Evanston revoking the Keg’s liquor license. The Keg may not have survived the wrath of Tizzy, but it did manage to eke out a one-vote victory over the advent of #YOLO, followed closely by the I Agree With Markwell campaign and the notorious Vandy seal clubbing scandal. Rest in peace, old friend. We swear to hold you forever in our memory by linking to this every goddamn opportunity we get.

Sherman Ave Presents: 2013 Readers’ Poll

2013 was certainly an exciting year – with Vine-ing, and twerking, and cultural appropriation (OH MY!). And despite some close calls, from the government shutdown to the viral infection that was the “Harlem Shake,” we somehow made it out alive because we can’t stop (#culturalreferencealert).

Yes, through thick and through thin (Sherman Ave likes it thick, if YOUKNOWWHATIMSAYINNNNNNN), we all fought our way through this goddamn mess of a year – with Sherman Ave clearing the way.

2013: Net Gain or Net Loss? A Quantitative Review

These days, everything seems to have some sort of measurement system. We have heights and weights, salaries and rankings, Klout scores, GPAs, BACs — it seems like everything must be put into numeric terms. Accordingly, we’ve put together a comprehensive review of 2013, scored with our proprietary scoring system. Every significant event of 2013 will be judged on a scale of -5 to +5. A score of -5 means the event made the world a much worse place, and a score of +5 means the event made the world a much better place. Let’s take a look back at 2013 and see where our world lies after the year’s events.

Pros and Cons of Being Alive in the 21st Century

As the New Year approaches, we should think about what it means to be living in the 21st century. We are living in a time of unprecedented food production, medical standards, and genital enlargement. Yes, those are the three things I would brag about if I were talking to a buckle-hatted pilgrim. But although we have luxuries, there are things we missed out on in the timeline of our planet. In the following article, I will reflect on that for which we should be grateful for and that with which we should be forever disappointed.

The Hollow Pastiche of Beyoncé’s Genius: A Reviéw

The songs on Beyoncé’s fifth studio album, BEYONCÉ, are fine. They’re good songs that sound like the music Beyoncé makes, which is what people like to listen to. The music on the album is whatever and absolutely besides the point because OH MY GOD BEY JUST BROUGHT THE INTERNET TO A GRINDING HALT. Beyoncé unexpectedly dropping a 14-song album and the 17 corresponding music videos plus credits exclusively on iTunes—and the ensuing collective Internet swoon—makes Beyoncé pop culture’s truest celebrity and genius. But the mega-stardom and brilliance of Beyoncé and her album succeeds either because of, or in spite of her “visual album” presenting a form of pastiche as devoid of substantive value as Upworthy, and not even half as inspired.

APPLY TO WRITE FOR SHERMAN AVE. BECOME COOL.

We know you want it. You know you want it. So make like the true heinous you are and APPLY TO WRITE FOR SHERMAN AVE!!

Join us. Receive a new identity, your very own pseudonym–or sheudonym, if you will. Our writers enjoy a plethora of perks, everything from a social status somewhat on par with the bunnies the campus fox used to eat to exclusive membership in a secret Facebook group cryptically labeled “Sherman Ave Writers.”

Oh, and whatever ad revenue we don’t reinvest in the site, we spend on alcohol. As you can tell, we don’t invest much in the site.

So come. Be a part of something big. Something excited. Something banned in all but three Canadian provinces. All you have to do is fill out this application and send it in to us at shermanave1@gmail.com. The deadline is Midnight on Sunday, October 6th.  After we review applications, selected applicants will be invited back for an individual interview on Friday, October 11th.  After the individual interviews, selected applicants will be invited back for a group interview on Sunday, October 13th.  Some might say that our application process has too many stages; incidentally, those are the same people that can eat shit and die.

If you have any questions about the application process, shoot us an e-mail and we’ll get right back to you. Please note that you do NOT have to attend Northwestern University to write for Sherman Ave.

APPLY HERE. We’ll see you on the other side.

The Good, The Bad, and The Hordes of Drunk High Schoolers: A Review of Lolla 2013

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

While this iconic line is best known for opening Charles Dickens’ famous novel, A Tale of Two Cities, few people realize that he originally used the phrase to describe his three-day drinking and drugs binge at the 19th-century Britain version of Lollapalooza, which I assume was headlined by Fleetwood Mac.

So here I sit miserably at my 9-to-5 job, wrecked after spending the last three days taking in everything my first music festival had to offer (except Steve Aoki, because fuck Steve Aoki).  I got up at 6:30 this morning to get to work, and I have a residual hangover that could slay a large family of oxen.  Looking back, would I do anything differently?

Yes.  I made horrible, horrible decisions this weekend.

Lolla was a blast, of course.  But wow, that place could not be more heinous.  So I guess it’s only fitting to reflect on this weekend by looking at both the positives and negatives of spending this weekend with my favorite 60,000

Meet the ASG Candidates: Ani and Alex

Earlier this week, Sherman Ave reached out to the four ASG presidential tickets asking to interview them. All four tickets were gracious enough to accept; this is the final of four interviews. Look for more #ASJizz013 coverage to come.

Ani, debating Alex on his pro-choice Student Life views.

What’s your favorite shitty beer, or assuming you’re not 21, what hypothetically would be your favorite shitty beer, and what does that tell us about you?

Alex: Hmm, if I had to choose just one, I’d probably go with PBR. I don’t think it would be my drink of choice for a nice Friday night, but it has the right mixture of cheap, affordability, and taste to get you through that point in life. If you choose to.

Ani: Hypothetically, if I were to be a legal beer fan, then Busch Light. That’s what I’ve heard at least. I’d assume that it tastes like you’d expect beer of it’s ilk to taste. And it comes in these large cases, that are ridiculously low-priced–as I’ve seen, and not purchased. So I can only assume as to the quality of it. I’ve seen people react to it in strange and odd ways, in basements and in crowded rooms. Something magical. What does it taste like?

So I’m just curious, Ani. How many people did you have to ask until Alex finally agreed to become your VP?

Ani: It’s funny, because I was asked by someone else to be their ASG candidate. I don’t want to reveal who. But I’ve worked with all of them before, all the other candidates. Alex and I, we were first choices for both of us. It really is about the chemistry between the pairs as well. Literally, we share calendars.

Alex: It’s kind of creepy. Buuuutt, it’s necessary.

Ani: There’s always that thing, ‘Where are you!? Oh wait, I already know. Never mind.’ But you’re working for the next year with this person. You’re working very closely. It’s not just about sharing an office, it’s about sharing calendars, it’s about sharing a mission in life, oh God it sounds like we’re getting married.

Alex: My girlfriend kind of thinks so. But…

Ani: It’s also about the shared values. Alex and I, we’re from two different worlds. Like literally two different worlds. I’m a guy, I was born in Bangalore, India. I’ve lived in Vietnam and the U.S., in Arizona  and North Carolina and Texas.

Alex: And my family has been in Ohio since the late 1700s. So… pretty different.

Ani: But it’s amazing. We’ve been brought together at Northwestern, we share similar values regarding what this community has. We’ve met amazing people. We have relationships with many of them, many of whom are listed on our website. People who we’ve actually worked with and not just, you know, pretended to.