Dear Northwestern Student,
(Yeah you, you nameless, irrelevant $60,000 check)
Fall quarter classes are now available for evaluation. The CTEC site will remain open until 11:59 pm Sunday, December 15.
(You have three weeks to do this, but we’re emailing you about it now so you can start freaking out about how much you have to do before finals.) Continue reading
Hello future Wildcat! In a just about a month, you’ll start your new life here at Northwestern University. A lot of big decisions are headed your way. Should I bring a mini-fridge? What color should my shower caddy be? Should I show my roommate my mole that looks just like the Pope? (Yes/Burnt Sienna/show the WORLD)
Out of these, one of the most pressing decisions you’re going to have to make is what you want to major in.
The Sherman Ave Editors Ross Packingham and Sir Edward Twattingworth III sat down with Professor Gary Saul Morson for an interview. It was in Cosi. Everyone had fun.
He doesn’t care, he loves it.
Twattingworth: Where are you from?
Morson: New York.
Twattingworth: Oh. I think it was Pushkin who called New York the “concrete jungle where dreams are made of.”
Morson: Oh come on.
Twattingworth: Is that an accurate description of your hometown?
Morson: Pushkin never said any such thing.
Packingham: It was either Pushkin or Jay-Z. I understand you went to Yale?
Morson: I did.
Packingham: Is it weird being an alumnus of an institution that most of your students wanted to attend but weren’t smart enough? Continue reading
MONDAY
Harry: Looks like everything is lined up except for my discussion sections! I’m really lucky, I got into all the classes I wanted. And it doesn’t matter who I have for my discussions, so it’s totally whatever.
Ron: All the classes look pretty good to me, I guess I’m just going to have to single out which ones require the fewest textbooks. Divination maybe?
Hermione: I want to take the most interesting and challenging classes possible. Probably Organic Potions, and maybe Defense Against the Dark Arts: An Econometric Approach.
“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to use this absolute shithole of a program.”
Neville: I’m going to go for easy classes this quarter, because I’m incredibly incompetent. Is there a wizarding equivalent to SESP?
Seamus: Being proud of my Irish heritage, I’d like to learn more about the history of my people. I mean, my last name is Finnegan, for fuck’s sake.
Draco: I think I’ll go for classes that will benefit me the most in my career. Serious classes.
Cho: My parents want me to go pre-med. I tried explaining to them that I’m a wizard. I’ll really take anything at this point. Continue reading
Well camouflaged into the surrounding sorority habitat.
Residential Colleges at Northwestern are designed to enrich the intellectual, cultural, and social lives of their students by extending the learning environment from the classroom to extracurricular life. Essentially, a res college is a dorm filled with like-minded nerds and future friends you’ll spend the next couple of years drinking, arguing, and (for the truly venturous souls) hooking upwith.
Okay, so don’t think of this as a break up. Just think of it as a “see ya later pal,” aight? Because honestly, this isn’t about you. It’s about me needing to do what I have to do.
So here it is: I think I’m transferring. Probably to Arizona State. Sorry. But as I do in all breakups, and to make this much easier on you, I’ve compiled a list of reasons why:
How come the student-to-hot-tub ratio isn’t factored into U.S. News & World Report Rankings?
1. Warmth
Literally what the fuck is with this snow? I thought it was like April or some ish like that. Didn’t we kill Punxatawnee Phil? Seriously, this is some bull. But in the warm sands of Tempe, we find an oasis of warmth and sunshine. ASU is the perfect mix of a hot, beach-like climate with no humidity to totally ruin your hair. This warm weather allows for a minimum of clothing, something that you’ll soon see is a key point. This balmy climate has long attracted retirees and schleppers, so why not me? I’ve had it up to HERE with the cold weather! I’m getting’ on up, movin’ on out and sittin’ back down in a lawn chair next to the private pool I assume each ASU student gets.
Sherman Ave 
