2013 Bowl Game Predictions

Sherman Ave’s premiere sports authorities (like the store: Sports Authority #ad) Samwise Donkenstein and Manua Hiki-Hiki, have come together to give their predictions for 2013’s biggest bowl games. Plan your crippling gambling addictions accordingly.

Chick-Fil-A Gays Are The Worst Bowl: Duke vs. Texas A&M

Manua Hiki-Hiki: In a turn of events not even the assholes at Duke’s Fuqua (pronounced: Fuck You) School of Business could’ve predicted, Mike Krzyzewski’s some guy’s Duke Blue Devil football team that apparently exists and isn’t just a camp for the basketball team, will be taking on Johnny Football and the Texas A&M Agatha Christies (a.k.a Aggies) in The Chick-Fil-A Intolerance Bowl.

Duke, up until a 45-7 throttling by Florida State in ACC Championship Game, had been on course for one of their best seasons in many years. However, their luck is likely to only get worse in the Honestly I Always Assumed Chick-Fil-A Was Full of Bigots Bowl. With their leading rusher Jela Duncan suspended for “an undisclosed violation of its academic policy,” otherwise known as cheating, Duke will be even further disadvantaged in an already mismatched contest against Texas A&M.

Chin Up, Northwestern: An Open Letter to Bereaved NU Football Fans

Dear Wildcats,

We at Sherman Ave talked a lot about An Ohio State University getting fucked, wrecked, guzzling our Siemian, and all sorts of other fantastic verbage *does Trumpy dickswinging celebration out of habit*. At this point, if you’re not familiar with the events of the OSU-NU game, you can just close this tab, and then find some Siemian to guzzle or something.

In reality, no real fucking or wrecking was had, neither by NU nor OSU. Of course, OSU supporters will be quick to say that, actually, they fucked us. But they’d be fucking wrong.

A Drunken Analysis of Ohio State Game Tape

As part of #GetFuckedAnOhioStateUniversity week here at Sherman Ave, we sat down with a Friend Of The Ave who has worked for a Division I football team in the past and is a lifelong ‘Cats fan, to go over OSU game tape from their win last week against Wisconsin. Drunkenly, obviously.

13:35 left in the first quarter [Wisconsin forced to punt]: That was a tough three and out for Wisconsin right there. Northwestern can’t start like that, we do much better when we start out well.

12:18: [Braxton Miller throws a rocket for a TD] OH GOD. Oh wow, that is a tough throw. Damn. You’re not supposed to throw across your body like that and he just gets it off like that. I’m scared right now. I’m scared. They pressured him, they made him make a tough throw and he

#GetFuckedAnOhioStateUniversity

Hope OSU isn’t too turned off by NU’s “Two QBs, One Cup” routine

Dear Ohio State,

As you may have noticed, we’re getting pretty excited for An Ohio State University to come to town and play under the lights on national television. Our students may even take a break from studying for their midterms to tailgate on Saturday, although that may be just to pick out which of your visiting fans would make excellent employees for us to lay off once we’re hired after graduation.

Apparently a massive event, referred to only as “Gameday,” is coming to town, bringing a festive experience where Lee Corso attempts to escape the chilling existential dread of his impending death with a seemingly boundless supply of iconoclasm and viagra while Herbie mournfully stares off into the distance, reminiscing about his lost love Erin Andrews and trying to remember how to string two sentences together.

The Top 3 Times Ohio State Blew It In The Last Decade

By now, you’ve probably heard all about the vaunted Buckeyes from An Ohio State University coming to town this weekend. I’ve been told that they have “good players” and a “rabid fanbase that travels crazy well” and a “coach who traded his soul to the devil for a coupla national championships.” And this is all true. They’ve earned their sterling ranking with an undefeated last year and an impressive start to the season.

But I’ve also seen these Buckeyes. I grew up watching these Buckeyes. I know who they truly are. So in the interest in finding some chinks in the scarlet and grey armor,* I thought we’d take a little stroll down memory lane and look at the top three times that OSU blew it in the last ten years: