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Tag Archives: art

Reality vs Expectations: the College Classroom Edition

16 Apr
Look at me I'm so disdained. Fuq u, school. When will Summer cum. I mean come.

Look at me I’m so disdained. Fuq u, school. When will Summer cum. I mean come. [via dvdactive.com]

Either I’m really bad at taking notes or these exams are vastly more complicated than what we’re taught in lecture.

Statistics
Lecture: 1+2 =3
Exam: Solve for cancer

Art
Lecture: Humans have created wondrous art throughout the ages
Exam: How does this ceramic vagina make you feel?

Econ
Lecture: Mark Witte talks about guns and butter
Exam: Continue reading

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An Ode to the Olympic Sweater

24 Jan

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My eyes widen, and a patriotic spark awakens
My senses, as though of Coca-Cola I had drunk,
Or inhaled a Big-Mac with four slices of bacon.
One minute passed, and then these words I had thunk:
“Tis not through hatred of the ugly lot,
but being too happy in thy ugliness,-
That thou, star-spangled cardigan of wool,
In some melodious plot
Of patchwork art, and flags numberless (aka 2),
Singest of America the beautiful.

Continue reading

We put heinous captions on classic works of art

3 Jan

Hey, have you guise heard about this thing called the Art Institute? It’s like this really old asylum for murderers and stuff.

Maybe I’m thinking of an institution…

Eh, whatever. The point is, there are a lot of famous works of art in this fancy building on Michigan Avenue. And since Sherman Ave has such a vast and commanding mastery of the art world, we thought we’d share some of the Art Institute of Chicago with you.

Here are some priceless works that you can see, too, if you take a trip downtown.

Beyoncé “Super-Jealous” of Chet Haze’s Talent

12 Apr
Beyoncé, shortly after throwing her hands up in the air because she knows that she's the hottest baby.

Beyoncé, shortly after throwing her hands up in the air because she knows that she’s the hottest, baby.

In an exclusive interview with Sherman Avenue, seventeen-time Grammy award winner Beyoncé Knowles praised Chet Haze’s latest video, “Finest Girl,” as “the most promising display of raw talent I have ever seen.”

The star of Dreamgirls shared her high opinions of Chester Marlon Hanks, better known as “Chet Haze” in the rap community, whose introspective video about not remembering whether he got the digits of a girl at a club debuted yesterday.

“I thought it was an incredibly insightful commentary on today’s suffering economy. The subtle reference to Nietzsche really demonstrated his lyrical skill, concern with really deep topics, and how much he’s really learned from his classes at Northwestern. And the way that girl clearly took her makeup cues from Jenna Marbles, I just – it says so much about women’s role in culture these days.” Continue reading

The Art of the #YOLO

19 Apr

This is probably, like, the third worst thing Drake has ever done.

Have you heard? No? That’s odd, I was under the impression that everyone had heard. Heard what? Heard, of course, that YOLOBOTCHEZZZZ.

That’s right, for those of you who aren’t sure how many times people* live I’m here with some breaking news: You Only Live Once. Stunning. I know. Now take a deep breath. It’ll probably all be ok.

See, YOLO is actually a great thing. It’s not a statement acknowledging death, it’s a fully hashtaggable catchphrase that will help you live your life to the fullest and most atrocious extent, because of the YOLOOOOOO. So stop dreading death and start getting wild.

YOLO is the perfect excuse to do all those things you were always too confused about mortality to do.  Always meant to shit off the top of Swift? #YOLO. Wanna skinny dip in SPAC at three in the afternoon during a swim meet? #YOLOLOLOL. Been dying to do 14 handle pulls in a two-hour span? Call the ambulance, it’s time to #YOLO! That girl’s a 3.5 and you just did 14 handle pulls? Go for it bro, because of the #YOLO.

By now I’m sure many of you are thinking that perhaps YOLO is just an excuse to make terrible decisions without thinking about the consequences. Aaaaanyway.

But what really elevates YOLO from a heinous catchphrase to a heinous lifestyle is its applicability to any situation. While we’ve already mentioned some truly hei-hei examples above, YOLO is much more versatile than the typical Wednesday I described.  It can be used if you’re taking a test (The answer’s “B” four times in a row because YOLO, duhhh), if you’re grocery shopping (Nineteen cans of SPAM, yayyy #YOLO), or even if you’re playing a casual game of golf out on the-links-golf-course-Masters-Bubba-Watson-Tiger-putting place (If you hit a bad shot, throw the club in the water and then you’ll be YOLOing). Where some phrases are useful every once in a while, YOLO will always make sense as long as you don’t think about it.

In fact, if you look back through history it becomes clear that mankind has always had YOLO imbedded in its brain on a subconscious level. How else do you explain Caesar’s constant power-grabbing? The dude was YOLOing like a mofo. Hitler deciding to invade Russia? “Yeah, I know this war is going well for us and no one has ever successfully taken Russia by land, but YOLO amirite?!?!” And rumor has it that when someone suggested checking the Hindenburg for flammability near sparks, the engineers said “Niemals, ich muss YOLO.”

Sir Twattingworth with his biddies, Charity and Henrietta.

And we see it in modern times as well. Carly Rae Jepsen is perhaps our current goddess of YOLOcity, casually giving out her digitz as if this was her only life. Sure, she JUST met him. And yes, this is batshit crazy. But hey, those numbers connect you to her telephone, so perhaps an attempt at communication is in order. YOLO.

So I hope by now you’ve come to understand what YOLO truly means. It doesn’t mean, “Gee, life is precious and I should spend it in a meaningful way.” No no, silly fucker. It means, “Let’s see how much regrettable stuff I can do in the 26 years I have on earth.”

Now go out into the world. Go forth in love and peace. Meet your fellow man with the wind at your back and the knowledge that no matter what mistakes you make, you can always blame it on the power of #YOLO.

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*Two exceptions