Sherman Ave Homecoming Court Voter Guide: Isabella Pasbakhsh

Sherman Ave sat down with each of the 2013 Homecoming Court nominees for wide-ranging discussions in order to better prepare NU students for the most important election of the next 15 days. Voting for Homecoming King and Queen begins soon!

Sir Edward Twattingworth III: Where are you originally from?

Isabella Pasbakhsh: I’m from Las Vegas.

Twattingworth: Oh, so it must have been interesting growing up with both of your parents as strippers.

Pasbakhsh: Actually it was just my mom, so that made it easier.

Bartistics: Quantifying the Best Northwestern Bars

The next Keg?

Sherman Ave editor Evander Jones teamed up with food blog What I’m Eating for Lunch’s curator Jameson Bulwinkle to provide a comprehensive statistical analysis—or bartistical analysis, if you will—of the Evanston and Chicago bars most frequently frequented by Northwestern undergraduates. But first, an explanation of the bartistical categories analyzed by Evander and Jameson:

Yelp Rating: How many Yelp starts the bar received, out of a maximum potential of five.
Distance from the Arch: As estimated in walking distance by Google Something Maps.
Best Weekly Special: The best available special the bar offers on a day of the week.
VORN: Value Over Replacement Night. This bartistic measures how much more valuable the bar’s weekly special night is compared to a random night at the same bar given the same blood alcohol content. A VORN of 5.4, for instance, means that the bar’s weekly special night is 5.4 times better than a random non-special average night at the same bar.
Food, Ambiance, and Drinks: All subjective scores, out of a maximum of ten points, assigned by Evander and Jameson.
OoS: Odds of Scoring. What is the percentage chance of an average Northwestern student patron hooking up with another patron from the bar?
BPT: Biddies per Townie. What is the ratio of biddies to townies at the bar?
ABP: Average beer price. ABP’s with asterisks are actual average prices, not estimates.

Sherman Ave Interviews: Morty Schapiro

The Sherman Ave Editors (Evander Jones, Ross Packingham and Sir Edward Twattingworth III) sat down with Northwestern University President Morty Schapiro for an interview.  Why he agreed to let us do this, we may never know, but we sure are happy he did.

“I’m allergic to cats.”

Packingham: If you could make a drink called “The Morty,” what would it entail?

Morty: Oh man. Like an alcoholic drink?

Twattingworth: Wow, interesting that your mind went there.

Morty: Yeah… Well, you know when I drink, like last night–this is really exciting–but one-third orange juice, two-thirds Perrier.

Packingham: Perrier? Is that vodka? Or rum?

Morty: And they have to give me this much wine so I can hold it to pretend I’ll drink it, but I’m not a wine drinker. I like beer when I have Asian food. I like Thai beer, or Japanese beer or something.

Packingham: Like a Budweiser?

Morty: I don’t think I’ve ever had one of those. So I’m not big on like American

Keg Week 2013: Evaluating Possible Kegplacements

All those fun Evanston bars you can’t get into, and then also the Deuce.

As tragic as the loss of our dearly departed TKOE is, the simple truth remains that life must go on and the hein must continue. So it is that we, a sad and weary bunch, take up the task of finding a kegplacement. Urged on by a resigned knowledge that we have no other option, and by the occasional inbox for our devoted readers asking for our help, we accept our duty and offer a guide to possible locations to fill the gaping hole in our hearts that was The Keg:

Bat 17: Well heeeellllloooooo renovation, and what beautiful timing you have. Just as our hearts were broken to pieces by Mayor Tisdaddy, Bat chose to pick them up and build them into a huge new bar area. The newly renovated Bat features wide open spaces perfect for sweaty, unconscionable grinding and maintains its excellent drink selection. Still, a couple of prohibitive factors remain, including its relatively high prices and reasonable (read: “following the law”) ID policy. On the other hand, BEER TOWERS.

Sherman Ave Freshman Guide: Libations at NU

What most intoxicated freshmen look like to us.

So you’re going off to NU this fall, eh? You like to party hard? NO YOU DON’T, HIGH SCHOOLER. Now that we have that aside, let me be your tour guide around the beautiful bar that is the NU campus.

BEER
No shit you’re going to find beer. What did you expect? Prepare for keg beer, Keystone Light, Busch Light, and PBR galore. Occasionally you’ll find something else, but don’t get excited. For the love of God, please do not drink the bottles if you find any in a fridge! That shit is stealing and is uncool. Be thankful enough that NU’s frats don’t charge like asshole state schools. We’re nice like that. Don’t trash the place.